The Sky is the Limit to What I Can Have; but, Does that Include a Child?

“Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. ”

— Mark 11:24 KJV

When I started blogging five years ago, I planned to share my sense of style and information related to where I like to shop. That is what I was encouraged to do. It wasn’t my original plan to create a second blog focused on my life and relationships, but when I sat down to write, I was driven to share my experiences, and quite frankly, my innermost hurts. But today I contemplated writing about my seemingly suppressed desire for a child. I questioned whether or not I would be exposing too much of myself. But I remembered something I read and shared a few months ago.

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.”

— Fred Rogers

This past October, I met with one of my friends to record an episode about pregnancy and infant loss awareness for my podcast. During our discussion, my longing for a baby rose to the forefront of my mind and touched the very core of my heart. Prior to this conversation, I thought I had closed the door on the possibility of ever birthing another human. I also believed I had moved past wanting a baby. But the conversation I had on that Sunday morning in October let me see I had been deceiving myself.

I told my mother about it later that day, and in her usual fashion, she encouraged me to pray about it. She reminded me that God can do anything.

“Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,”

— Ephesians 3:20 KJV

I haven’t shied away from expressing the feelings I experienced—and still bear—because of the loss of my babies. To date, losing my children is the most painful experience of my life. So, I think it is understandable that I am hesitant about entertaining the idea of becoming pregnant again—there’s so much to consider. I thought about my age and the fact that I miscarried twice. Not to mention, I am unmarried—and I just recently reopened my mind to dating again. But in the midst of my whirlwind of reasons not to give in to the yearning within me, an old song by The Clark Sisters, “Expect Your Miracle,” popped in my head.

The words of the song are fairly simple and the message is direct and clear.

“Just beleive and receive it,

God will perform it today…

I expect a miracle every day,

God will make a way out of no way…”

- Expect Your Miracle, the Clark Sisters

And as I sit here writing the thoughts of my intimate desires, I recognize what I must do. I need to follow the advice I immediately give to my friends whenever they come to me for encouragement or direction—pray about it. Because the fact of the matter is, the sky is the limit to what I can have.

Twenty Twenty: The Call of Duty

Several things inspire me to write—music, movies, and life in general. I was driven to write this particular post because of a recurring theme I’ve seen on social media. I read multiple messages expressing frustration with the events that have occurred over the past eight months, the feelings of discontent also include desires for the year to end. I don’t think anyone needs a reminder of what we have been experiencing, but I do believe we need to be reminded that there is a balm. Things happen in life that we don’t understand, but I want to encourage you to trust God’s plan. It may hurt sometimes, but it is still perfect.

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 KJV

Although there have been some trying moments within the last 250 days, the scripture above reminds me that troubles are not synonymous to 2020. Furthermore, the likelihood of more difficulties to arise is inevitable, but there is hope in this fact.

“Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.” 1 Peter 4:12-13 KJV

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 KJV

I have referenced and drawn strength from Romans the third chapter and the 28th verse several times over the past year. There is comfort in knowing that everything I encounter is for my good and it aligns with God’s purpose. And although we, in general terms, focus on the fact that God is intentional in everything He does, I want to draw your attention to another part of the verse. I want to encourage you to focus on “who are the called.”

When I thought about this verse a few days ago, I realized I had been missing a vital part of “who are the called.” I associated being called with being a minister or a pastor, but now I see it as all of us, and we are required or commanded to do something. This perspective covers a lot more as a believer. We are called to be obedient and to trust God.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes; fear the Lord, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.” Psalm 3:5-8 KJV

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.” Psalm 28:7 KJV

“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” Isaiah 41:10 KJV

“Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.” Psalm 46: 10-11 KJV

I am beginning to see how difficult I made things for myself. I am learning to trust God. Trusting Him generates peace beyond my understanding. The directions for obtaining and maintaining peace have been outlined and He is available for all who wish to embrace Him. And if you still have a lingering question on what your calling is…

“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.” Ecclesiastes 12:13 KJV

On the Road to Damascus

I watched “The Wiz” again, and I heard two things that I hadn’t noticed or focused on before.

The first thing I noticed took place during one of my favorite scenes—which makes me wonder what else I missed. After Dorothy meets the Scarecrow and causes the crows to scatter, the Scarecrow informs her that he doesn’t have a brain. The Scarecrow recognizes Dorothy’s doubt, so he shows her what’s in his head. When Dorothy sees what is occupying his head, she says, “Garbage.” 

The other thing I noticed was the lyrics to the song “Ease on Down the Road.” The words of the song that made me pause were, “don’t you carry nothing that might be a load.”

When I heard these two things, I picked up on a more profound message than I previously embraced.

According to Merriam-Webster, garbage is inaccurate or useless data. This definition made me realize I am more like the Scarecrow than I initially gathered. The thoughts of comparing, doubt, and fear—by its definition—is garbage, and I allowed it to settle in my head, which made me see an act of disobedience.

“Finally brethen, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.” - Philippians 4:8-9 KJV

Additionally, the lyrics to the song mentioned above allowed me to see another error in my ways.

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us…” - Hebrews 12:1 KJV

I have “garbage” in my head. I allowed comparing, self-doubt, and fear to occupy my mind, and it weighs me down, which has afflicted my ability to keep my course. I need to lay the weight and the sin down.

I can’t help but wonder if the creators of “The Wiz” intended to send this message. None-the-less, it is the message I got, and I am appreciative of it. Now that I’ve heard it, I need to do something about it by making this my turning point.

“My Fear is My Only Courage”

One day last week during my trek to work, I listened to “No Woman No Cry” by Bob Marley and the Wailers. I admit I typically skip this song, but for whatever reason, I decided not to this time. As I was listening to the song, I heard the words “my fear is my only courage,” and it made me pause. I thought it was an interesting statement and I wanted to know what it meant. I also wondered if I could apply it to my life.

Over the last several months, I’ve been acknowledging how much I’ve allowed fear to hinder me. I let fear stop me from proudly being who I am during my adolescent years. I was afraid of ridicule and rejection; which, is pretty ironic simply because not proudly being myself didn’t make me popular or abundantly liked. In hindsight, I didn’t gain anything by not embracing who I am. Fast forward to my years as a young adult—I believed and feared not being good enough, talented enough, or smart enough to do a lot of things. But I am amazed when I think back to when I was a small child—before I was exposed to peer pressure and self-doubt— I faced any giant without fear. Where did she go?

As I stated earlier in this post, I was curious to find out what “my fear is my only courage” meant, so…I turned to Google. My search yielded some interesting information. There is a debate over whether or not Mr. Bob Marley said, “My fear is my only courage,” or “My feet are my only carriage.” Nevertheless—in the usual Towanda fashion—I decided to define what I heard and apply it to my life.

So, what does ‘my fear is my only courage’ mean to me? As I was searching for its meaning on the Internet, I stumbled upon another quote.

“Courage is not the absence of fear but the mastery of it.”

Multiple people have been given credit for the above quote: Victor Hugo, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and Nelson Mandela. I also read a variation that was credited to Theodore Roosevelt. The origin of the quote is not my concern for this post, but how I manage my fear is and I am reminded of a familiar scripture.

“God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

— 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV

Now that I’ve explored a few possibilities of what “My fear is my only courage” means, I’ve concluded what it means to me. Since I know I obtain a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind, there is no need for me to give in to fear. And I can literally—and figuratively—stand or move forward. Feelings of fear are now a motivator for me to push through. And for the fearless child who stood up to bullies twice her size—she’s still with me. I just allowed her to become dormant, but she is awake now and ready to fight that unwelcomed spirit of fear.

I Can Do All Things Through Christ, but What is My Assignment?

In the last MHIL blog post, I expressed what I learned about my life being in the hands of the Lord. But another part of the lesson came to my mind last week.

I hadn’t been viewing another familiar scripture fully. Once again, I am not saying I’ve grasped all of its meaning; but, I see another part of it now.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

— Philippians 4:13 KJV

It is a fact that we can do all things through Christ. We can because in Him we live more and have our being. Bottom line, we can’t do anything without Him. I shared on a few occasions how I struggled with my self-confidence as it relates to my abilities and I drew strength from the above scripture. But there were times that I had a hard time understanding why the outcome felt like failure and not success. It was at that moment that I realized I needed to alter how I view success, which brings me to the topic of this post.

Philippians 4:13 reminds us that we can do all things, but I was focused on one thing in particular, which was my definition of success. But Isaiah 55:8 tells us that our thoughts and ways are not like the Lord’s. So, what was I assigned to do?

The thing we are enabled to do through Christ at a particular time in a certain situation may vary. My assignment may have been to suffer, through and by the power of God. My assignment may have been to wait and trust God, through and by the power of Christ. My assignment may have been to learn more about God, through and by the power of Christ. What we are assigned to do and obtain may not be what we think it is. So, what’s the plan?

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. ”

— Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV