It Is Not Good for Man to Be Alone, But Who Can I Run To?—A Revelation

“And the LORD God said, ‘it is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

— Genesis 2:18 KJV

When I was a child, I never imagined I’d be single without a family of my own at the age of forty-something, but I don’t think I’m the only one. I highly doubt there are a lot of people—or anyone—who imagined being divorced and childless when they pictured the life ahead during childhood. Don’t get me wrong, I am happily divorced and I’m overjoyed that that season of my life is over. However, a recent family event evoked thoughts of reflection and concern for my future.

This past December, my father got sick and was hospitalized for two months. A lot of those days were filled with anxiety surrounding both the known and unknown. During the last two months, my family and I spent a lot of time visiting him to remind him that he is not alone and to ensure he had everything he needed, and that he was being properly cared for. In the midst of doing this, my “singlehood” hit me in a not-so-positive way. It is my earnest prayer that the Lord will allow me to reach the age of 77—and beyond—in my right mind with reasonable health and strength—but a question came to my mind during my time of reflection: who’s going to take care of me when I get old?

At the opening of this post, I included a Bible verse that introduces the creation of Eve, Adam’s help meet. Although I realize this passage of scripture speaks to the importance of a man having an help meet, I want to focus on the portion that reads “it is not good for the man to be alone.” I understand this statement is about the man Adam, but I think anyone can relate to it.

While my dad was in the hospital, I encountered the negative side of being single. As I witnessed the interactions between my parents during this ordeal, I saw the beauty and comfort that exists with requited love. In full transparency, I experienced a plethora of emotions over the past few months. I was anxious, lonely, sad, scared, and worried—just to name a few. It would have been nice to have someone to comfort and console me as I worked through all of it. Please don’t misunderstand me, I am grateful for everyone who inquired about my dad, my family, and me. However, the connection I have in those relationships differs from the one I would have with a partner or spouse. I longed for a deeper more personal level of empathy and intimacy that is found with a loving companion.

I also thought about how my brother and I tried to ensure our father had everything he needed and made arrangements to be with him. This reminded me of the fact that I don’t have any living children, which amplified the question: who is going to take care of me when I get old?

I shared my thoughts with my family and I found comfort in what they shared with me. My brother told me to get long-term health insurance, which amused me, but he’s right—AARP, here I come. When I spoke to my dad about my concerns, he told me the same thing crossed his mind about me, but he reminded me that I have nothing to worry about. God will take care of me.

“Let your conversations be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”

— Hebrews 13:5 KJV

Stop Looking Back at Yesterday: Remember Lot's Wife—Looking Back Can Be Detrimental

Some of you may remember the story of Lot and his family and what happened to Sodom and Gomorrah in the book of Genesis. God sent two angels to warn Lot of the imminent destruction of the two cities because of their wickedness. The angels instructed Lot, his wife, and two daughters to leave and not look back—literally. Lot and his daughters obeyed, but for some reason, Lot’s wife did not. After traveling some distance, Lot’s wife looked back to the city and became a pillar of salt. - Genesis 19:1-29 KJV

In my usual transparent fashion, I started writing this in August 2020, but I didn’t make much traction. I’m not sure why. It could be because the notes I wrote for this piece are absolutely horrible and I have no idea what my initial intent was, or it could be simpler—it wasn’t time for me to write it.

At some point last week, I recalled a post I wrote for the DOSBB blog entitled, “A Promise to Me,” ironically, I wrote it in September 2020. The post is an apology to me for not loving myself enough to reject the negativity of others. Although I continue to stand by the words I wrote two years ago, I have to admit that I neglected a vital piece of the process: forgiveness. Not necessarily forgiving the individuals who demonstrated the negativity, but extending an olive branch to me for allowing the pain to fester and settle.

The word “past” is defined as gone by in time and no longer existing. This makes me wonder what the benefit is of reliving it, especially if it is harmful.

At this point, some of you may wonder what the connection between self-forgiveness and Lot’s wife is. There was nothing good left in Sodom and Gomorrah once Lot and his family fled. That time she spent in that city was a part of her past that had no place in her future. Her decision to look back—whatever that reason was—came with a price, which was her future.

I want to encourage you and me to let go of whatever hurt and pain we experienced in the past that God has saved us from. Let us forgive as God does and not look back. He chooses not to remember.

For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and thier sins and thier iniquities will I remember no more. - Hebrews 8:12 KJV

Seven Things I Gleaned from Watching "Jeepers Creepers II"

When I was a kid, I enjoyed watching horror movies. I remember going to Erol’s with my mother and brother to rent VHS tapes—I’ve really dated myself with this one. My brother and I would typically ask to rent the “Friday the 13th” and “A Nightmare on Elm Street” movies. I’m not really sure where my like for the genre derived from; however, I am wondering if it was influenced by Michael Jackson’s Thriller video, but I digress. Whatever the reason, I developed a like for the movies, which explains why I’d be drawn to the “Jeepers Creepers” franchise. It is obvious that I like part two of the sequel. I also like “Jeepers Creepers”; however, I’m torn with “Jeepers Creepers 3.” This post isn’t about my critique of the series; however, I do have some thoughts I may share at another time.

“Jeepers Creepers II” is an American horror film written and directed by Victor Salva, which was released in 2003. I believe I saw it for the first time in 2004, but I didn’t notice any important life lessons until I watched it again recently. It is possible I didn’t grasp anything from the movie back then because it was during the days of “Blockbusters and chill.” I watched the movie for the first time with my first love—but once again, I digress.

I find the movie entertaining mainly because of how the characters react to their initial interactions with the Creeper. I think it is pretty well written considering the genre typically calls for creating imaginative characters and situations. I’m also drawn to the subtle humor that is woven into the dialogue. But what I like most is the life reminders I gleaned from watching it.

Four of the seven lessons transpired during the first seven minutes of the movie. The seventh lesson, and what I would consider the underlying message I got from the movie as a whole, is reinforced and reiterated multiple times throughout the duration of the film. I’m not sure if Mr. Salva intended to highlight or reinforce these thoughts, nevertheless, his creation invoked them in me.

1. Respect your parents

   If you’ve read other posts from this blog you probably know what the first lesson reminded me of— the fifth commandment: “Honor thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee. “— Deuteronomy 5:16

2. Be careful/mindful about what you say to people—it may be the last time you speak to them

   I am guilty of taking a lot of things for granted and I realize I need to do better. Sometimes I am conscious of the fact that tomorrow is not promised, but most of the time I have an expectancy of living through the night and waking the next morning. I’m not saying it is necessarily “wrong” for me to have this mindset, but I need to be more mindful of the fact that I will leave this earth one day and the same goes for everyone else I know. I need to ensure my words are kind and loving. And even if I have a disagreement with someone and I become angry, it behooves me “not to let the sun go down upon my wrath.”

3. If something feels/looks odd or off to you and you think you should leave—don’t hesitate—go

   In most instances in my life when I had the feeling that something was off, I was right. Unfortunately, I’ve had some situations when I either tried to rationalize what happened or ignored it altogether. That is not a good practice, especially if you are in potential danger—physical or otherwise. I believe this applies to relationships—regardless of who it is (friend, partner, or spouse). If the interactions with the person or event make you uneasy—leave. Bottom line, get off the “x” and sort it out later.

4. Ask for help as soon as you realize you need it

   I am guilty of hesitating to ask for help when I needed it because of pride. We all need help sometimes, so don’t shy away from asking for it.

5. Provide help as soon as you are asked

   Slight spoiler alert: In the movie, when one of the characters recognizes he is in danger, he calls for his older brother, but he does not respond right away. I wonder if the outcome could have been different had the brother responded sooner? Let’s be quick to help our friends and family when we can. A delayed response can potentially cause harm.

6. Fear can be detrimental

   Another slight spoiler alert: The Creeper is drawn to fear and the more his prey demonstrates it the harder it pursues to the demise or detriment of the person. Fear can keep us from following our dreams. It can lead us to believe we’re not capable or worthy of getting what we want. Fear can even prevent us from leaving a bad situation or environment. It can cause us to think we’ll encounter much worse. So instead of venturing out into the unknown, we stay with the devil we know. Don’t give in to fear, it will keep you from reaching your full potential.

7. Keep fighting even when you come face to face with what scares you

   Another slight spoiler alert: As I mentioned earlier, the Creeper is drawn to fear, and there is one character the Creeper showed it wanted him the most. At one point in the movie, this character came face to face with the Creeper and his fear of it. This scenario happens in life sometimes.

   “For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.” — Job 3:24

   When this happens remember…

   “God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” — 2 Timothy 1:7

MHIL Gratitude Journal: Entry No. 9; The Importance of Recognizing the Pervading Tone or Mood of a Place

My recent life lesson occurred to me during the wee hours of this past Wednesday morning. This tutorial derived from some overwhelming feelings of anxiety I experienced on Monday, which made me realize I needed to take a pause and focus on self-care. While I was home on Tuesday, I was deliberate with my thoughts and actions. I purposely avoided thoughts surrounding work or anything that could potentially cause angst. Although I recognize the importance of keeping my mind on positive and joyous things, this particular situation needed additional ammunition.

Putting forth the effort to think about good things worked for a while, but fear found its way back to the forefront of my mind. When I realized what was happening, I decided to pray. During my prayer, I was reminded of 2 Timothy 1:7 and I had to repent because fear does not come from God. As I reflected on the why behind my anxiety I realized I brought this trouble on myself. I created an atmosphere of doubt and fear. I did this with the words I’ve spoken and the thoughts I’ve pondered and embraced. I used phrases like “I can’t” and “I’m afraid.” So why should I be shocked at the manifestation of my words? Once I acknowledged my blunder, I realized what needed to happen. I needed to change the atmosphere by changing the narrative.

I told myself I couldn’t and I believed it. So when it came time to complete the action, I couldn’t do it because I created an environment of failure. “As a man thinketh, so is he.” Not only did I sabotage my productivity at work, I believe I may have done the same thing in the dating realm. During my time of self-reflection, I remembered the response I’ve given to the “why are you single?” question. I said, “I’m afraid of repeating the mistakes of my past.” Although I don’t want to make bad choices in future relationships, I see I had already attached fear to my circumstances before anything could even transpire simply by the words I chose to speak.

I was already aware of the fact that the power of life and death is in the tongue—Proverbs 18:21—but I messed up and allowed myself to take the path of doubt and fear. I appreciate my moment of clarity. It enabled me to see I can perpetuate an atmosphere that is bad or good by my speech and thoughts. When I would have used negative words to describe what I’m facing, I’ve decided to use positive ones in their place. In the past, I said, “I can’t,” alternatively, I will say, “I’m still learning.” And instead of attaching myself to fear, I will say, “I am building my confidence.”

I’m a work in progress. Now that I know better, I will do better.

November Eleventh: "Nobody's Supposed to Be Here"

Earlier today, I learned about Singles’ Day, which is a Chinese unofficial holiday and shopping season that celebrates people who are not in relationships. It is also considered to be the biggest shopping day in the world. When I initially read about it, I was interested in writing about it and sharing my potential plans to celebrate. Why not? I’m single and I love to shop. But to my astonishment, I’m not excited about celebrating my singlehood.

This is strange because I haven’t been very forward-leaning when it comes to the idea of dating and being in a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I made some strides earlier this year, which I shared and I think the “walls of Jericho” I built around my heart came tumbling down. But did it happen too quickly?

Last week I was asked, “What’s the fastest you’ve ever fallen for someone?” Well, I fell for someone in about five minutes—I guess I’m not beyond redemption. But I can’t help but wonder how he got past the walls? How did you get here? Furthermore, now that my heart is exposed and unprotected, will a Trojan horse come galloping in?

My hopeful Galahad is an unexpected blast from the past. Our paths crossed 26-years-ago, and unbeknownst to me, he had a crush on me when I was the ripe age of 19. He revealed this information to me fairly recently and now I am the one who is smitten. And although I am in a state of the unknown, I am doing my best to identify the good. Right now I don’t know if he is my knight in shining armor or a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Nevertheless, I will celebrate the fact that I am able to let go of the past and let someone in.

So, how will I celebrate Singles’ Day? Lord willing, I will focus on all the blessings that have been given to me and celebrate the one who makes all things possible. God is in control and my life is in His hands. It doesn’t matter if I am single or boo’d up, I have purpose and it will prevail. I also know the one for me will be revealed in due time. And now that I have a reason to shop—let’s see if that Michael Kors bag I’ve been thinking about is still available and on sale.