MHIL Gratitude Journal: Entry No. 9; The Importance of Recognizing the Pervading Tone or Mood of a Place

My recent life lesson occurred to me during the wee hours of this past Wednesday morning. This tutorial derived from some overwhelming feelings of anxiety I experienced on Monday, which made me realize I needed to take a pause and focus on self-care. While I was home on Tuesday, I was deliberate with my thoughts and actions. I purposely avoided thoughts surrounding work or anything that could potentially cause angst. Although I recognize the importance of keeping my mind on positive and joyous things, this particular situation needed additional ammunition.

Putting forth the effort to think about good things worked for a while, but fear found its way back to the forefront of my mind. When I realized what was happening, I decided to pray. During my prayer, I was reminded of 2 Timothy 1:7 and I had to repent because fear does not come from God. As I reflected on the why behind my anxiety I realized I brought this trouble on myself. I created an atmosphere of doubt and fear. I did this with the words I’ve spoken and the thoughts I’ve pondered and embraced. I used phrases like “I can’t” and “I’m afraid.” So why should I be shocked at the manifestation of my words? Once I acknowledged my blunder, I realized what needed to happen. I needed to change the atmosphere by changing the narrative.

I told myself I couldn’t and I believed it. So when it came time to complete the action, I couldn’t do it because I created an environment of failure. “As a man thinketh, so is he.” Not only did I sabotage my productivity at work, I believe I may have done the same thing in the dating realm. During my time of self-reflection, I remembered the response I’ve given to the “why are you single?” question. I said, “I’m afraid of repeating the mistakes of my past.” Although I don’t want to make bad choices in future relationships, I see I had already attached fear to my circumstances before anything could even transpire simply by the words I chose to speak.

I was already aware of the fact that the power of life and death is in the tongue—Proverbs 18:21—but I messed up and allowed myself to take the path of doubt and fear. I appreciate my moment of clarity. It enabled me to see I can perpetuate an atmosphere that is bad or good by my speech and thoughts. When I would have used negative words to describe what I’m facing, I’ve decided to use positive ones in their place. In the past, I said, “I can’t,” alternatively, I will say, “I’m still learning.” And instead of attaching myself to fear, I will say, “I am building my confidence.”

I’m a work in progress. Now that I know better, I will do better.

MHIL Gratitude Journal: Entry No. 4; Requited Encouragement

“Be an encourager. The world has enough critics already.” - Dave Willis

My decision to become a blogger came with a desire to encourage and inspire others to love themselves more. I honestly believe I have a passion for encouraging because I realize how impactful it can be, and I also know how detrimental the opposite can be. In a previous relationship, I was subjected to a lot of ridicule. And unfortunately, the constant belittlement chipped away at my self-confidence, and I started believing it. But thanks be unto to God, I recognized my worth before I fell completely into the abyss of untruth that was presented to me. I was fortunate that I was able to figure out which was Shinola.

I am a huge advocate for self-acceptance and focusing on how we see ourselves over how others view us. But truth be told, there are some instances where we will encounter people who will offer kind words and encouragement, which is what I want to highlight in this journal entry.

Over the years, I’ve been told I am “diplomatic” and I have a “calming presence.” Recently, a co-worker shared something with me that I was not expecting. He walked by my office, then he stepped back in the doorway and looked at me. When I saw him pop up again I assumed he needed something from me, but he gave me something instead. He said, “you have a calming presence. A lot of times I get upset and stressed here, but seeing you calms me down.” Although I’ve been told I’m “calming,” hearing it again recently was encouraging and inspiring. It made me feel good because this isn’t something I do deliberately—it is who I am. And being told my natural and unapologetic behavior helps him, encouraged me immensely.

I am grateful to him for sharing his feelings with me. I also appreciate this validating experience. Contrary to what I was told in that previous relationship, being who I am is a good thing.

No Joy? Leap for It!

One of my friends had asked me the same question during practically every conversation we had, “Are you dating yet?”

I didn’t necessarily find his inquiries annoying because I know his interest or concern is coming from a good place, but it did cause me to regurgitate my reasons for not dating. And one of the main reasons was fear. I was afraid of not seeing someone is bad for me.

Here’s a little background on that—I believe I ignored a lot of tell-tale signs in a previous relationship that indicated we weren’t compatible. I was blinded by my desires, which kept me from seeing the pending trainwreck I was going to encounter.

This fear caused me to place a wall between me and future potential partners. This friend told me to let go of what happened in the past and open myself up to the possibility of a relationship. Although his advice was sound, I received the same nudge from two other sources; my mother and a popular sitcom.

People who know me well, are aware of my love for the Golden Girls. I watch the show faithfully on Hulu every day...yes, every day. I’ve extracted a lot of lessons from the show, but the episode “Rose the Prude,” taught me an invaluable one about taking a chance. In this episode, Rose reluctantly agrees to go on a double date with Blanche and two brothers. As the story unfolds, Rose had been apprehensive about dating because she was comparing every man she met to her late husband Charlie and it wasn’t until she met Ernie on this double date that she began to contemplate the idea of being with another man.

During Rose’s confession to her two best friends, Dorothy gives her some profound advice, “The bottom line is, if you take a chance in life sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen. But honey, if you don’t take a chance nothing happens.”

So, I decided to follow his—and Dorothy’s—advice, and I took a leap.  I’m glad I did. The change in my mindset has allowed me to experience feelings of excitement and happiness, which I hadn’t felt in quite some time.

You may not be in a situation like mine. You might be contemplating starting a new job, starting a business, or writing a book. Whatever you are pondering over pursuing that you believe will bring you joy—leap for it! The end result may be bad or it may be good, but you won’t know if you don’t leap.

Twenty Twenty: The Call of Duty

Several things inspire me to write—music, movies, and life in general. I was driven to write this particular post because of a recurring theme I’ve seen on social media. I read multiple messages expressing frustration with the events that have occurred over the past eight months, the feelings of discontent also include desires for the year to end. I don’t think anyone needs a reminder of what we have been experiencing, but I do believe we need to be reminded that there is a balm. Things happen in life that we don’t understand, but I want to encourage you to trust God’s plan. It may hurt sometimes, but it is still perfect.

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 KJV

Although there have been some trying moments within the last 250 days, the scripture above reminds me that troubles are not synonymous to 2020. Furthermore, the likelihood of more difficulties to arise is inevitable, but there is hope in this fact.

“Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.” 1 Peter 4:12-13 KJV

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 KJV

I have referenced and drawn strength from Romans the third chapter and the 28th verse several times over the past year. There is comfort in knowing that everything I encounter is for my good and it aligns with God’s purpose. And although we, in general terms, focus on the fact that God is intentional in everything He does, I want to draw your attention to another part of the verse. I want to encourage you to focus on “who are the called.”

When I thought about this verse a few days ago, I realized I had been missing a vital part of “who are the called.” I associated being called with being a minister or a pastor, but now I see it as all of us, and we are required or commanded to do something. This perspective covers a lot more as a believer. We are called to be obedient and to trust God.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes; fear the Lord, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.” Psalm 3:5-8 KJV

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.” Psalm 28:7 KJV

“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” Isaiah 41:10 KJV

“Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.” Psalm 46: 10-11 KJV

I am beginning to see how difficult I made things for myself. I am learning to trust God. Trusting Him generates peace beyond my understanding. The directions for obtaining and maintaining peace have been outlined and He is available for all who wish to embrace Him. And if you still have a lingering question on what your calling is…

“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.” Ecclesiastes 12:13 KJV

On the Road to Damascus

I watched “The Wiz” again, and I heard two things that I hadn’t noticed or focused on before.

The first thing I noticed took place during one of my favorite scenes—which makes me wonder what else I missed. After Dorothy meets the Scarecrow and causes the crows to scatter, the Scarecrow informs her that he doesn’t have a brain. The Scarecrow recognizes Dorothy’s doubt, so he shows her what’s in his head. When Dorothy sees what is occupying his head, she says, “Garbage.” 

The other thing I noticed was the lyrics to the song “Ease on Down the Road.” The words of the song that made me pause were, “don’t you carry nothing that might be a load.”

When I heard these two things, I picked up on a more profound message than I previously embraced.

According to Merriam-Webster, garbage is inaccurate or useless data. This definition made me realize I am more like the Scarecrow than I initially gathered. The thoughts of comparing, doubt, and fear—by its definition—is garbage, and I allowed it to settle in my head, which made me see an act of disobedience.

“Finally brethen, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.” - Philippians 4:8-9 KJV

Additionally, the lyrics to the song mentioned above allowed me to see another error in my ways.

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us…” - Hebrews 12:1 KJV

I have “garbage” in my head. I allowed comparing, self-doubt, and fear to occupy my mind, and it weighs me down, which has afflicted my ability to keep my course. I need to lay the weight and the sin down.

I can’t help but wonder if the creators of “The Wiz” intended to send this message. None-the-less, it is the message I got, and I am appreciative of it. Now that I’ve heard it, I need to do something about it by making this my turning point.