I Joined WooPlus and I'm Not Sure If It Was a Good Idea

During my adolescent years, I wanted to be popular and viewed as one of the prettiest girls in school who all the boys liked and secretly or openly expressed interest in. Well, I wasn’t popular nor was I classified as one of the prettiest girls in school. And I don’t think I need to state how I wasn’t the object of affection for the boys in my class.

Now that I am older, I don’t feel the need to be viewed as one of the prettiest women anywhere, nor do I seek to be popular—well, maybe as a writer, but I digress. I am more interested in being found by someone who accepts and loves me as I am, which includes my personality and non-physical attributes.

As you can tell by the title of this post, I joined the dating app WooPlus. I learned of its existence through one of my male friends who inquires about my dating life regularly. I initially decided to check it out for a suggestion story on the Diary of a Stylish Buxom Beauty blog, but then I thought, what harm would it do to check it out for personal reasons too?

So far, it doesn’t seem to be that different than meeting people in person. In all honesty, I’m not sure what I expected. However, I didn’t expect to receive the number of interests that I’ve gotten so far considering I haven’t completed my profile. The only things I’ve posted are my name and photo, which makes me conclude the “likes” I’ve gotten are shallow and superficial. Furthermore, one of my “suitors” asked, “Do you have a big booty?” I realize this is a plus-size dating app and the people who join are attracted to and prefer fuller figures, but could you ask about where I work, if I believe in God, or what interests me before we discuss whether or not I have a donkey? Please? I do, but that is beside the point.

The more I think about it, joining the app may not have been a bad idea after all. It has reinforced my expectations of a potential partner. I want someone who will invigorate me, which comes from learning about me. I don’t necessarily think WooPlus doesn’t offer a platform that can fulfill this requirement, and what I’ve experienced thus far was beneficial nonetheless. I know what I want and I’m not interested in settling for less.

I Want Butterflies and Someone to Love Me

In most cases when I am engaged in conversation, I can easily respond to whatever I am asked. Even if the subject is something I am unfamiliar with, I typically state the need to look into it and ensure that I will follow-up shortly. However, I was recently asked a question that left me dumbstruck and speechless. Now, this isn’t something that I would classify as strange because we all have or will encounter situations where we are caught off guard by a question or statement.

I was asked, “What do you want, Towanda?” And I had no response. In retrospect, I think I should have been able to easily state what Towanda wants. It is a simple question—right? Since I was unable to answer his question instantaneously, I made it my assignment to figure it out.

So, what does Towanda want? Do I want a monogamous relationship? Or do I want to date whomever whenever I want? What is my ultimate goal? Am I interested in a long-term relationship? Do I want to get married again? Do I just want to spend time with someone talking and sharing our inner-most desires and secrets or enjoy being silent together? Would I like to watch the sunrise with someone special as we cuddle or spoon—and occasionally serve as the big spoon?

Do I want to experience loving someone for life and it be reciprocated? Would I like to be loved in spite of my faults and flaws? Do I want to be accepted and loved beyond what can be seen on the surface and give the same in return?

Do I want a life/relationship that mimics those R&B singles that reside on my playlist? The ones that tell a story of finding, building, and enjoying love. Do I want my love story to begin with the lyrics to “Lifetime” then move to the words of “Someone to love you” followed by the lines to “Share my world?” Yes, that is what I want.

I want butterflies and uncontrollable smiles. I want real, honest, and consistent love. I want acceptance of who I am and who I am not. I want someone to love me, without question or an ounce of doubt in my mind or his. I want a love that understands every day won’t be perfect, but we recognize if we work together, we can face it and work through it.

So, what does Towanda want? She wants to love again, and finally be loved the way she deserves.

No Joy? Leap for It!

One of my friends had asked me the same question during practically every conversation we had, “Are you dating yet?”

I didn’t necessarily find his inquiries annoying because I know his interest or concern is coming from a good place, but it did cause me to regurgitate my reasons for not dating. And one of the main reasons was fear. I was afraid of not seeing someone is bad for me.

Here’s a little background on that—I believe I ignored a lot of tell-tale signs in a previous relationship that indicated we weren’t compatible. I was blinded by my desires, which kept me from seeing the pending trainwreck I was going to encounter.

This fear caused me to place a wall between me and future potential partners. This friend told me to let go of what happened in the past and open myself up to the possibility of a relationship. Although his advice was sound, I received the same nudge from two other sources; my mother and a popular sitcom.

People who know me well, are aware of my love for the Golden Girls. I watch the show faithfully on Hulu every day...yes, every day. I’ve extracted a lot of lessons from the show, but the episode “Rose the Prude,” taught me an invaluable one about taking a chance. In this episode, Rose reluctantly agrees to go on a double date with Blanche and two brothers. As the story unfolds, Rose had been apprehensive about dating because she was comparing every man she met to her late husband Charlie and it wasn’t until she met Ernie on this double date that she began to contemplate the idea of being with another man.

During Rose’s confession to her two best friends, Dorothy gives her some profound advice, “The bottom line is, if you take a chance in life sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen. But honey, if you don’t take a chance nothing happens.”

So, I decided to follow his—and Dorothy’s—advice, and I took a leap.  I’m glad I did. The change in my mindset has allowed me to experience feelings of excitement and happiness, which I hadn’t felt in quite some time.

You may not be in a situation like mine. You might be contemplating starting a new job, starting a business, or writing a book. Whatever you are pondering over pursuing that you believe will bring you joy—leap for it! The end result may be bad or it may be good, but you won’t know if you don’t leap.

It’s Cuffing Season; Is it Time for Me to Take That Leap?

Has being single for an extended period altered my view and desires for a relationship? A week ago I was under the impression that my lack of interest in dating again was due to my fears and trust issues. But recently being told, “you’re a catch, but I don’t think you want to be caught,” left me speechless. You see, my last relationship wasn’t that great. I was convinced the experience brought my ability to see who is potentially bad for me into question. In retrospect, I believe the signs were there, but I chose to ignore them. But I also wonder if I was blind to them because I wanted to be a wife and mother. I mean, I was 34 and unmarried. How many more chances was I going to get?

But with all things not considered, I accepted his offer of marriage and said “I do” in front of a small group of family and friends on a beautiful beach in south Miami. It is 10 years later and I am uncertain if that act was the biggest mistake of my life or the most influential thus far.

I’ve heard having regrets is sometimes labeled as immature. For me, the jury is still out. I realize everything I’ve encountered shaped the woman I am today. I also know that in God’s infinite wisdom, all things work together for my good. If I hadn’t said “I do,” I wouldn’t have experienced a level of pain and loss that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. Sometimes I wish I could have learned this lesson differently, but without it, I wouldn’t know how strong I am nor would I know about the peace that surpasses my understanding. Furthermore, I know better than to charge God foolishly.

Being single for seven years has enabled me to become content with who I am. The number seven denotes completion or perfection. By no means am I claiming to be perfect, on the contrary, I’ve learned how to embrace my imperfections. Who knows, maybe being single is what I needed to become the woman who is ready for a relationship. I mean, how can I make someone else happy if I’m not happy with myself? Now that I am at a better place with who I am, does this mean I’m ready to leap, or is it best for me to stand still? Honestly, the jury is still out on that one too.

Why Am I Single?

Nine months ago I considered being asked why I am single to be one of the most annoying questions ever—second to being asked why I didn’t wear pants in Middle School. I’ll address the pants inquiries at a later date—right now I’m going to focus on my “singlehood.”

In retrospect, I believe I found being questioned about my relationship status annoying because I hadn’t identified the true answer to the question. My response was always focused on other people. I said it was because the men I met were either inconsistent, lacked follow-through, or unavailable—emotionally or otherwise. But I’ve finally acknowledged the real reason why—me. That’s right—it’s not you—it really is me. In a nutshell, I’ve got issues.

It occurred to me that I broached the subject of dating on this blog three years ago—and sadly—not much has changed. I’ve been on a handful of dates that were nice—except for one that I also wrote about—and now I realize the nice ones didn’t get any traction simply because of fear and a lack of trust.

I am terrified of the possibility of repeating my mistakes. Although I’ve identified the things I did wrong in the past, I don’t trust myself to see who is potentially bad for me. But as I am writing this, I just identified another key piece to my dilemma—I shouldn’t be trusting myself.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thy own eyes; fear the Lord, and depart from evil. - Proverbs 3:5-7 KJV

So, I must ask myself what I am going to do now that I experienced this epiphany. The directions are simple, but I mustn't make following them difficult.