In most cases when I am engaged in conversation, I can easily respond to whatever I am asked. Even if the subject is something I am unfamiliar with, I typically state the need to look into it and ensure that I will follow-up shortly. However, I was recently asked a question that left me dumbstruck and speechless. Now, this isn’t something that I would classify as strange because we all have or will encounter situations where we are caught off guard by a question or statement.

I was asked, “What do you want, Towanda?” And I had no response. In retrospect, I think I should have been able to easily state what Towanda wants. It is a simple question—right? Since I was unable to answer his question instantaneously, I made it my assignment to figure it out.

So, what does Towanda want? Do I want a monogamous relationship? Or do I want to date whomever whenever I want? What is my ultimate goal? Am I interested in a long-term relationship? Do I want to get married again? Do I just want to spend time with someone talking and sharing our inner-most desires and secrets or enjoy being silent together? Would I like to watch the sunrise with someone special as we cuddle or spoon—and occasionally serve as the big spoon?

Do I want to experience loving someone for life and it be reciprocated? Would I like to be loved in spite of my faults and flaws? Do I want to be accepted and loved beyond what can be seen on the surface and give the same in return?

Do I want a life/relationship that mimics those R&B singles that reside on my playlist? The ones that tell a story of finding, building, and enjoying love. Do I want my love story to begin with the lyrics to “Lifetime” then move to the words of “Someone to love you” followed by the lines to “Share my world?” Yes, that is what I want.

I want butterflies and uncontrollable smiles. I want real, honest, and consistent love. I want acceptance of who I am and who I am not. I want someone to love me, without question or an ounce of doubt in my mind or his. I want a love that understands every day won’t be perfect, but we recognize if we work together, we can face it and work through it.

So, what does Towanda want? She wants to love again, and finally be loved the way she deserves.