It Is Not Good for Man to Be Alone, But Who Can I Run To?—A Revelation

“And the LORD God said, ‘it is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

— Genesis 2:18 KJV

When I was a child, I never imagined I’d be single without a family of my own at the age of forty-something, but I don’t think I’m the only one. I highly doubt there are a lot of people—or anyone—who imagined being divorced and childless when they pictured the life ahead during childhood. Don’t get me wrong, I am happily divorced and I’m overjoyed that that season of my life is over. However, a recent family event evoked thoughts of reflection and concern for my future.

This past December, my father got sick and was hospitalized for two months. A lot of those days were filled with anxiety surrounding both the known and unknown. During the last two months, my family and I spent a lot of time visiting him to remind him that he is not alone and to ensure he had everything he needed, and that he was being properly cared for. In the midst of doing this, my “singlehood” hit me in a not-so-positive way. It is my earnest prayer that the Lord will allow me to reach the age of 77—and beyond—in my right mind with reasonable health and strength—but a question came to my mind during my time of reflection: who’s going to take care of me when I get old?

At the opening of this post, I included a Bible verse that introduces the creation of Eve, Adam’s help meet. Although I realize this passage of scripture speaks to the importance of a man having an help meet, I want to focus on the portion that reads “it is not good for the man to be alone.” I understand this statement is about the man Adam, but I think anyone can relate to it.

While my dad was in the hospital, I encountered the negative side of being single. As I witnessed the interactions between my parents during this ordeal, I saw the beauty and comfort that exists with requited love. In full transparency, I experienced a plethora of emotions over the past few months. I was anxious, lonely, sad, scared, and worried—just to name a few. It would have been nice to have someone to comfort and console me as I worked through all of it. Please don’t misunderstand me, I am grateful for everyone who inquired about my dad, my family, and me. However, the connection I have in those relationships differs from the one I would have with a partner or spouse. I longed for a deeper more personal level of empathy and intimacy that is found with a loving companion.

I also thought about how my brother and I tried to ensure our father had everything he needed and made arrangements to be with him. This reminded me of the fact that I don’t have any living children, which amplified the question: who is going to take care of me when I get old?

I shared my thoughts with my family and I found comfort in what they shared with me. My brother told me to get long-term health insurance, which amused me, but he’s right—AARP, here I come. When I spoke to my dad about my concerns, he told me the same thing crossed his mind about me, but he reminded me that I have nothing to worry about. God will take care of me.

“Let your conversations be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”

— Hebrews 13:5 KJV

MHIL Gratitude Journal: Entry No. 9; The Importance of Recognizing the Pervading Tone or Mood of a Place

My recent life lesson occurred to me during the wee hours of this past Wednesday morning. This tutorial derived from some overwhelming feelings of anxiety I experienced on Monday, which made me realize I needed to take a pause and focus on self-care. While I was home on Tuesday, I was deliberate with my thoughts and actions. I purposely avoided thoughts surrounding work or anything that could potentially cause angst. Although I recognize the importance of keeping my mind on positive and joyous things, this particular situation needed additional ammunition.

Putting forth the effort to think about good things worked for a while, but fear found its way back to the forefront of my mind. When I realized what was happening, I decided to pray. During my prayer, I was reminded of 2 Timothy 1:7 and I had to repent because fear does not come from God. As I reflected on the why behind my anxiety I realized I brought this trouble on myself. I created an atmosphere of doubt and fear. I did this with the words I’ve spoken and the thoughts I’ve pondered and embraced. I used phrases like “I can’t” and “I’m afraid.” So why should I be shocked at the manifestation of my words? Once I acknowledged my blunder, I realized what needed to happen. I needed to change the atmosphere by changing the narrative.

I told myself I couldn’t and I believed it. So when it came time to complete the action, I couldn’t do it because I created an environment of failure. “As a man thinketh, so is he.” Not only did I sabotage my productivity at work, I believe I may have done the same thing in the dating realm. During my time of self-reflection, I remembered the response I’ve given to the “why are you single?” question. I said, “I’m afraid of repeating the mistakes of my past.” Although I don’t want to make bad choices in future relationships, I see I had already attached fear to my circumstances before anything could even transpire simply by the words I chose to speak.

I was already aware of the fact that the power of life and death is in the tongue—Proverbs 18:21—but I messed up and allowed myself to take the path of doubt and fear. I appreciate my moment of clarity. It enabled me to see I can perpetuate an atmosphere that is bad or good by my speech and thoughts. When I would have used negative words to describe what I’m facing, I’ve decided to use positive ones in their place. In the past, I said, “I can’t,” alternatively, I will say, “I’m still learning.” And instead of attaching myself to fear, I will say, “I am building my confidence.”

I’m a work in progress. Now that I know better, I will do better.

MHIL Gratitude Journal: Entry No. 4; Requited Encouragement

“Be an encourager. The world has enough critics already.” - Dave Willis

My decision to become a blogger came with a desire to encourage and inspire others to love themselves more. I honestly believe I have a passion for encouraging because I realize how impactful it can be, and I also know how detrimental the opposite can be. In a previous relationship, I was subjected to a lot of ridicule. And unfortunately, the constant belittlement chipped away at my self-confidence, and I started believing it. But thanks be unto to God, I recognized my worth before I fell completely into the abyss of untruth that was presented to me. I was fortunate that I was able to figure out which was Shinola.

I am a huge advocate for self-acceptance and focusing on how we see ourselves over how others view us. But truth be told, there are some instances where we will encounter people who will offer kind words and encouragement, which is what I want to highlight in this journal entry.

Over the years, I’ve been told I am “diplomatic” and I have a “calming presence.” Recently, a co-worker shared something with me that I was not expecting. He walked by my office, then he stepped back in the doorway and looked at me. When I saw him pop up again I assumed he needed something from me, but he gave me something instead. He said, “you have a calming presence. A lot of times I get upset and stressed here, but seeing you calms me down.” Although I’ve been told I’m “calming,” hearing it again recently was encouraging and inspiring. It made me feel good because this isn’t something I do deliberately—it is who I am. And being told my natural and unapologetic behavior helps him, encouraged me immensely.

I am grateful to him for sharing his feelings with me. I also appreciate this validating experience. Contrary to what I was told in that previous relationship, being who I am is a good thing.

If I Play My Cards Right...

In my usual transparent fashion, I must share that I don’t know how to play cards. Well, I know how to play solitaire, but that’s it, and I can’t remember the last time I played it. But my lack of card game knowledge isn’t the purpose of this post. What I want to focus on is the well-known lyrics of the song “The Gambler” by the late Kenny Rogers.

The idea to write about this topic came to me in March 2016, but I went in another direction and wrote something completely different. Considering how I believe everything happens for a reason, I’m convinced today is the day I needed to write this.

My stomach hurts and I’ve been experiencing this pain for a few days. Although I made the stupid decision to consume chicken McNuggets from McDonald’s earlier today, I don’t think the “food” is the source of my discomfort. The culprit behind my situation is still me—I realize I haven’t demonstrated the simple words I’ve chosen to write about.

Over the years, I’ve learned the importance of living by the words quoted above. In life, we will experience things that we don’t like. The fact of the matter is, we can’t control the actions of others—unfortunately—we can only govern ourselves. And as much as we sometimes desire things to pan out in a certain way, we have to accept the things we cannot change.

I want answers to questions that have been swarming around in my head for a few days, and this lack of information is bothering me immensely! The fact that not getting what I want is causing me pain, lets me know I need to let it go; which, brings me to the subject of this post.

There are some instances in life when we should hold on and keep fighting. Then there are times when we should let go and walk away, and sometimes we need to drop everything and run!

Truth be told, I hope I’ll have a “Never Been Kissed” moment and I’ll get the answers I’ve been seeking. Hey, I am an inspiring writer too! But I think the best thing for me to do is live by the words in the song and fold ‘em. At the end of the day, my mental and physical well-being are a priority, so I fold.

“My Fear is My Only Courage”

One day last week during my trek to work, I listened to “No Woman No Cry” by Bob Marley and the Wailers. I admit I typically skip this song, but for whatever reason, I decided not to this time. As I was listening to the song, I heard the words “my fear is my only courage,” and it made me pause. I thought it was an interesting statement and I wanted to know what it meant. I also wondered if I could apply it to my life.

Over the last several months, I’ve been acknowledging how much I’ve allowed fear to hinder me. I let fear stop me from proudly being who I am during my adolescent years. I was afraid of ridicule and rejection; which, is pretty ironic simply because not proudly being myself didn’t make me popular or abundantly liked. In hindsight, I didn’t gain anything by not embracing who I am. Fast forward to my years as a young adult—I believed and feared not being good enough, talented enough, or smart enough to do a lot of things. But I am amazed when I think back to when I was a small child—before I was exposed to peer pressure and self-doubt— I faced any giant without fear. Where did she go?

As I stated earlier in this post, I was curious to find out what “my fear is my only courage” meant, so…I turned to Google. My search yielded some interesting information. There is a debate over whether or not Mr. Bob Marley said, “My fear is my only courage,” or “My feet are my only carriage.” Nevertheless—in the usual Towanda fashion—I decided to define what I heard and apply it to my life.

So, what does ‘my fear is my only courage’ mean to me? As I was searching for its meaning on the Internet, I stumbled upon another quote.

“Courage is not the absence of fear but the mastery of it.”

Multiple people have been given credit for the above quote: Victor Hugo, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and Nelson Mandela. I also read a variation that was credited to Theodore Roosevelt. The origin of the quote is not my concern for this post, but how I manage my fear is and I am reminded of a familiar scripture.

“God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

— 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV

Now that I’ve explored a few possibilities of what “My fear is my only courage” means, I’ve concluded what it means to me. Since I know I obtain a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind, there is no need for me to give in to fear. And I can literally—and figuratively—stand or move forward. Feelings of fear are now a motivator for me to push through. And for the fearless child who stood up to bullies twice her size—she’s still with me. I just allowed her to become dormant, but she is awake now and ready to fight that unwelcomed spirit of fear.