It Is Not Good for Man to Be Alone, But Who Can I Run To?—A Revelation

“And the LORD God said, ‘it is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

— Genesis 2:18 KJV

When I was a child, I never imagined I’d be single without a family of my own at the age of forty-something, but I don’t think I’m the only one. I highly doubt there are a lot of people—or anyone—who imagined being divorced and childless when they pictured the life ahead during childhood. Don’t get me wrong, I am happily divorced and I’m overjoyed that that season of my life is over. However, a recent family event evoked thoughts of reflection and concern for my future.

This past December, my father got sick and was hospitalized for two months. A lot of those days were filled with anxiety surrounding both the known and unknown. During the last two months, my family and I spent a lot of time visiting him to remind him that he is not alone and to ensure he had everything he needed, and that he was being properly cared for. In the midst of doing this, my “singlehood” hit me in a not-so-positive way. It is my earnest prayer that the Lord will allow me to reach the age of 77—and beyond—in my right mind with reasonable health and strength—but a question came to my mind during my time of reflection: who’s going to take care of me when I get old?

At the opening of this post, I included a Bible verse that introduces the creation of Eve, Adam’s help meet. Although I realize this passage of scripture speaks to the importance of a man having an help meet, I want to focus on the portion that reads “it is not good for the man to be alone.” I understand this statement is about the man Adam, but I think anyone can relate to it.

While my dad was in the hospital, I encountered the negative side of being single. As I witnessed the interactions between my parents during this ordeal, I saw the beauty and comfort that exists with requited love. In full transparency, I experienced a plethora of emotions over the past few months. I was anxious, lonely, sad, scared, and worried—just to name a few. It would have been nice to have someone to comfort and console me as I worked through all of it. Please don’t misunderstand me, I am grateful for everyone who inquired about my dad, my family, and me. However, the connection I have in those relationships differs from the one I would have with a partner or spouse. I longed for a deeper more personal level of empathy and intimacy that is found with a loving companion.

I also thought about how my brother and I tried to ensure our father had everything he needed and made arrangements to be with him. This reminded me of the fact that I don’t have any living children, which amplified the question: who is going to take care of me when I get old?

I shared my thoughts with my family and I found comfort in what they shared with me. My brother told me to get long-term health insurance, which amused me, but he’s right—AARP, here I come. When I spoke to my dad about my concerns, he told me the same thing crossed his mind about me, but he reminded me that I have nothing to worry about. God will take care of me.

“Let your conversations be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”

— Hebrews 13:5 KJV

MHIL Gratitude Journal: Entry No. 8

“You know, but do you understand?”

— Unknown

At this point in my life, I believe I recognize the difference between knowledge and understanding. When I was younger, I saw the two words as interchangeable, but now I know and understand better. Knowledge is facts, information, and skills one acquires through experience or education. Understanding is comprehending or grasping something mentally. As strange as it may sound, you can know something without understanding it.

When I created the gratitude journal, my intent was to focus on specific life events that make me a better person. Although I am eternally grateful for my life “staples,” I didn’t want to write about them in the journal. However, like most things in life, I experienced something that allowed me to see it would be very remiss of me not to express my appreciation for them. So, I decided to revise the purpose of the journal.

A little over a week ago—Thursday to be exact—I turned 45. To be honest, I haven’t fully digested the fact that I am in my mid-forties, and it is also hard for me to embrace the fact that the tiny human wrapped in white blankets in the photo above is me.

I entered this world on Thursday, August 5, 1976. All of the days I’ve seen haven’t been filled with butterflies and rainbows, but I realize they could have been worse. I recall a more than pleasant childhood. All my needs were met and I got more than a fair share of my wants too. I was blessed with loving God-fearing parents, and a brother who is my knight in shining armor. I survived the heartbreak of my first love, a failed marriage, and the loss of two babies. You could say I’ve had my share of ups and downs, but I’m still here.

I now understand I have a purpose and with that comes difficult moments, which were designed to teach me where my help comes from. I’m not just aware of who my help is, I also understand He has been with me from the very beginning. He knew me before He formed me in my mother’s womb 45 years ago.

I am grateful for knowing God is, and I’ve come to know and understand I can’t live without Him.

“For in him, we live, and move, and have our being…”

- Acts 17:28 KJV

Introducing the My Heels in Life Gratitude Journal: Entry No. 1; Anxiety, Discontent, and Dread Oh My

'“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

Psalm 23:4 KJV

Expressing gratitude is something that was instilled in me as a child. I was taught to give thanks for the blessings I received. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned and embraced the importance of being grateful for everything in life—even the bad things.

About three years ago, a coworker who knew about my blog, told me about the gratitude journal, which is a diary of things the author is grateful for. It is designed to help focus on the positive things in life. When it was mentioned to me, I thought it was a great idea and I wanted to try it, but I hadn’t carved out the time to do it. A few days ago, I was scrolling through my Facebook page and I stopped at two posts from two years ago this week, which inspired me to start my journal. The FB posts weren’t the only things that inspired me. I was also encouraged to do this by the way I felt when I woke up this past Monday morning.

Every morning when I wake up and sit up in my bed, I immediately tell God “thank you.” I do this because I know He extended grace and mercy toward me and allowed me to wake up. And although I am truly grateful for life, I had a little more pep in my step on a Monday—of all days. As I was preparing for work, I realized my mind was at peace. I wasn’t complaining about the fact that I was going to work. This is significant because a year ago this week, I felt completely different. Back then, I was consumed with anxiety, discontent, and dread. I literally hated going to work. I was actually sad about it!

Two years ago this week I started a different position at work. Honestly speaking, as the first day of that gig approached, I started worrying and wondering if I was equipped to handle what I was about to face. The night before, I was still feeling uneasy, and the song “My Life is in Your Hands” by God’s Property came to my mind.

I know I wrote about this before, but it bears repeating. When the song came to my mind, I thought it was to comfort and reassure me—sending the message that everything was going to be alright. By no means am I saying everything didn’t turn out fine—well I see it did now. What I am saying is, it didn’t pan out the way I envisioned. And now that I think about it, I didn’t listen closely to the lyrics. He was telling me my heart was going to be broken—I was embarking upon a test. But He was letting me know that I could take it because He was with me, and joy was coming later.

“For His anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, by joy cometh in the morning.”

Psalm 30:5 KJV

In a nutshell, my heart was broken and I was devastated, but my morning arrived. I am no longer fighting anxiety, discontent, and dread. However, I am grateful for that time in my life. I learned some invaluable lessons.

1. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” - Romans 8:28 KJV

2. “But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.” - 1 Peter 5:10 KJV

3. “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross , despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2 KJV

4. “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” - Jeremiah 29:11 KJV

Everything that happens to me may not feel good, but it is for my good and for His purpose. There are some things in life that I will have to endure, but I know I can make it regardless of how it may feel. Today, I am grateful for peace and the knowledge that my life is in His hands no matter what comes my way.

The ‘Miseducation’ of Control

Earlier today, I was asked, “With the untimely arrival of the coronavirus, has your bucket list changed and if so, how?” I considered this to be an interesting question that has the potential to generate good conversations. However, what piqued my interest was the word “untimely.” The word means an event or activity happens at a time that is unsuitable or premature. But how is that possible? Nothing is premature or takes place at an unsuitable time.

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1 KJV

According to the dictionary, there are a few words used to define control. However, I want to focus on one descriptor, the power to influence or direct the course of events. Generally speaking, we have the misguided belief that we are in control. The last three months have enabled me to see how I have deceived myself. Before the issuance of the stay at home orders, I had a habit of planning my day and intentions without consulting the one who makes all things possible.

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

Proverbs 19:21 EHV

The question—and the coronavirus— is giving me a chance to examine myself. I realize how difficult I’ve been making things. Acknowledging there is a time and a purpose for everything that happens is essential to experiencing peace. But more importantly, embracing the fact that God is in control of everything is a major key to managing my behavior. Things will be better for me as soon as I begin to fully trust Him. When I trust Him, He directs me for His purpose.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.”

Proverbs 2:5-7 KJV

He has a plan for my life and it is my responsibility to submit to His will. I admit there have been times when I made it difficult because I didn’t understand why or because it was painful. But I’ve learned that understanding will come in due time or not at all. Furthermore, comprehension is not a requisite for compliance.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

Jeremiah 29:11 KJV

“Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”

Psalm 37:4-5 KJV

So, has my bucket list changed? In a manner of speaking, it has. Now I earnestly seek God for direction concerning everything. It doesn’t just make things easier, it is also an act of obedience.