It Is Not Good for Man to Be Alone, But Who Can I Run To?—A Revelation

“And the LORD God said, ‘it is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

— Genesis 2:18 KJV

When I was a child, I never imagined I’d be single without a family of my own at the age of forty-something, but I don’t think I’m the only one. I highly doubt there are a lot of people—or anyone—who imagined being divorced and childless when they pictured the life ahead during childhood. Don’t get me wrong, I am happily divorced and I’m overjoyed that that season of my life is over. However, a recent family event evoked thoughts of reflection and concern for my future.

This past December, my father got sick and was hospitalized for two months. A lot of those days were filled with anxiety surrounding both the known and unknown. During the last two months, my family and I spent a lot of time visiting him to remind him that he is not alone and to ensure he had everything he needed, and that he was being properly cared for. In the midst of doing this, my “singlehood” hit me in a not-so-positive way. It is my earnest prayer that the Lord will allow me to reach the age of 77—and beyond—in my right mind with reasonable health and strength—but a question came to my mind during my time of reflection: who’s going to take care of me when I get old?

At the opening of this post, I included a Bible verse that introduces the creation of Eve, Adam’s help meet. Although I realize this passage of scripture speaks to the importance of a man having an help meet, I want to focus on the portion that reads “it is not good for the man to be alone.” I understand this statement is about the man Adam, but I think anyone can relate to it.

While my dad was in the hospital, I encountered the negative side of being single. As I witnessed the interactions between my parents during this ordeal, I saw the beauty and comfort that exists with requited love. In full transparency, I experienced a plethora of emotions over the past few months. I was anxious, lonely, sad, scared, and worried—just to name a few. It would have been nice to have someone to comfort and console me as I worked through all of it. Please don’t misunderstand me, I am grateful for everyone who inquired about my dad, my family, and me. However, the connection I have in those relationships differs from the one I would have with a partner or spouse. I longed for a deeper more personal level of empathy and intimacy that is found with a loving companion.

I also thought about how my brother and I tried to ensure our father had everything he needed and made arrangements to be with him. This reminded me of the fact that I don’t have any living children, which amplified the question: who is going to take care of me when I get old?

I shared my thoughts with my family and I found comfort in what they shared with me. My brother told me to get long-term health insurance, which amused me, but he’s right—AARP, here I come. When I spoke to my dad about my concerns, he told me the same thing crossed his mind about me, but he reminded me that I have nothing to worry about. God will take care of me.

“Let your conversations be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”

— Hebrews 13:5 KJV

MHIL Gratitude Journal: Entry No. 6; "I'm Giving My Family Their Flowers While They Yet Live"

When I started this journal, I considered my appreciation or feelings of gratitude for my family to be an understood existence. But a conversation I overheard in the restroom at work on Wednesday changed my perspective. By no means was I ear-hustling, I just happened to be in that space at that moment—but the more I think about it—it was for a reason. But before I get into what I heard, I need to share my feelings and act of repentance.

When I entered the restroom—which isn’t that big—there were two women standing by the sinks talking. I was annoyed by their presence and inconsiderate behavior toward others. I mean, they could have their conversation in the hallway. We need to practice social distancing, and I need to wash my hands so I can use the facilities! I was still thinking about it as I was “handling my business.”

They were still talking while I was washing my hands for the second time. At this point in their conversation, I only heard bits and pieces. From what I could gather, they both have children under the age of three. But I distinctly heard one of them say, “I put my mom in hospice.” Then I heard the other woman say, “I’m sorry, I understand. My mother passed away while I was pregnant.” And it was at that moment that I realized I needed to express gratitude for my family.

I am forty-four and I still have both of my parents and my brother—a lot of people can’t say that. The three of them are lucid with reasonable health and strength. But in addition to that, they are good people and we have healthy relationships—everyone can’t say that about their family either.

My mother has always been my biggest cheerleader. She is always available to encourage me with her words or embrace. She is my confidant and my rock. During the most difficult time in my life, she put my needs before hers and was literally by my side, comforting me and praying for me. Her presence and encouragement enabled me to regain strength and confidence to move forward.

Based on what I’ve been told, I believe my father has been the apple of my eye from the moment I entered the world. When I was a kid, I thought he was the strongest man in the world. To me, he is the ideal man and the image of stability. He is a man of few words, so when he speaks, you know it is important. When I was struggling in my marriage, my father spoke four words to me. He said, “you can come home,” which was exactly what I needed to hear.

My brother is my superhero. He always comes to my rescue, without hesitation or question. I remember his response to me every time I called when my first car broke down, which happened A LOT, he simply asked, “Where are you?” And I distinctly remember my then-husband calling my brother when I was in the hospital due to complications with my pregnancy with Xavier. After my ex-husband told my brother what was happening, the only thing my brother said was “I’m on my way.”

I am so grateful for my family. They love and support me unconditionally and I appreciate it. I am thankful for every moment I’ve spent with them and I intend to treasure each moment to come.

And although I eventually felt compassion for the women I overheard in the restroom, I am glad I heard their stories. I was reminded of the need to appreciate my loved ones. So, I will give them their flowers every chance I get while they yet live.