My recent life lesson occurred to me during the wee hours of this past Wednesday morning. This tutorial derived from some overwhelming feelings of anxiety I experienced on Monday, which made me realize I needed to take a pause and focus on self-care. While I was home on Tuesday, I was deliberate with my thoughts and actions. I purposely avoided thoughts surrounding work or anything that could potentially cause angst. Although I recognize the importance of keeping my mind on positive and joyous things, this particular situation needed additional ammunition.

Putting forth the effort to think about good things worked for a while, but fear found its way back to the forefront of my mind. When I realized what was happening, I decided to pray. During my prayer, I was reminded of 2 Timothy 1:7 and I had to repent because fear does not come from God. As I reflected on the why behind my anxiety I realized I brought this trouble on myself. I created an atmosphere of doubt and fear. I did this with the words I’ve spoken and the thoughts I’ve pondered and embraced. I used phrases like “I can’t” and “I’m afraid.” So why should I be shocked at the manifestation of my words? Once I acknowledged my blunder, I realized what needed to happen. I needed to change the atmosphere by changing the narrative.

I told myself I couldn’t and I believed it. So when it came time to complete the action, I couldn’t do it because I created an environment of failure. “As a man thinketh, so is he.” Not only did I sabotage my productivity at work, I believe I may have done the same thing in the dating realm. During my time of self-reflection, I remembered the response I’ve given to the “why are you single?” question. I said, “I’m afraid of repeating the mistakes of my past.” Although I don’t want to make bad choices in future relationships, I see I had already attached fear to my circumstances before anything could even transpire simply by the words I chose to speak.

I was already aware of the fact that the power of life and death is in the tongue—Proverbs 18:21—but I messed up and allowed myself to take the path of doubt and fear. I appreciate my moment of clarity. It enabled me to see I can perpetuate an atmosphere that is bad or good by my speech and thoughts. When I would have used negative words to describe what I’m facing, I’ve decided to use positive ones in their place. In the past, I said, “I can’t,” alternatively, I will say, “I’m still learning.” And instead of attaching myself to fear, I will say, “I am building my confidence.”

I’m a work in progress. Now that I know better, I will do better.