Who Could Love and Marry the Fat Girl?

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

— I Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

When I was a child I thought marriage was an absolute part of life. In my mind, once you became an adult you got married and had children. Over time I learned life is not that cut and dry.

Society has led some to believe fat people are unattractive and underserving of admiration. There is a misconception that those of us who are plus-size are desperate and willing to accept anything. And unfortunately, some fuller-figured individuals believe they have to settle for whoever or whatever comes along.

In spite of what may be the opinion of society, there are plenty of suitors open to loving and marrying the fat girl. There is no need to alter who we are in hopes to gain the affections of another. It is true that there are men who find those of us with body fat repulsive, but there are several more who love it or don't care. You can find happiness by being yourself, knowing your worth, and not compromising your values. When we are true to ourselves we will receive what we need.

In my younger days I didn't see myself as beautiful or even attractive because of my weight and skin tone. I didn't believe I measured up to what could be considered desirable. Even though there were individuals who were attracted to me, I was unable to embrace it because I hadn't accepted me. When I learned to accept myself and the fact that I am desirable, relationships developed and I eventually married. My experiences taught me I am beautiful. But, the most valuable lesson I learned is the importance of being unafraid to be myself and allowing people to get to know me.

Marriage taught me that communication, honesty, and trust are vital parts of a successful relationship. Which, have absolutely nothing to do with appearance and physique. Being a good communicator, trustworthy, and honest are attributes of the inner person not the outer - and we are all capable of demonstrating them.

What's the take-away? Be yourself. If you are operating as your true self there is no issue with being dishonest. In any situation it is imperative to be who we are. If you are not accepted by someone when you are being yourself, they are not for you. But, most importantly, denying our true selves robs us of a more fulfilling relationship with ourselves. Furthermore, when we have achieved a healthy connection with ourselves we are better equipped to partake in a fruitful relationship with someone else. Don't get me wrong, companionship is a wonderful thing, but let's ensure we are at peace and loving self first.

Literally

Literal means to take words in their usual or most basic sense without metaphor; or representing the exact words of the original text.

When I woke up yesterday morning I had every intention of going to work. I planned, in my mind, to stop by Wal-mart to pick up a few Christmas gifts for my co-workers before heading south for work. I made it to the store and I found some items for my colleagues, but I did not make it to work.

As I was driving on the highway, I noticed a vehicle to my right that was moving entirely too fast. When I saw the car, I said to myself, "They are going to hit the van in front of them...he is driving too fast." It was apparent that the driver of that vehicle realized the possibility of a collision and braking was not going to resolve the problem. So, the driver swerved to the right onto the shoulder. Then all of the sudden I saw the van swerving toward me - I reacted by moving my vehicle to the left. Seconds later another vehicle sped past me on the left shoulder to avoid hitting me. After I pulled over and regained my composure, I noticed another driver pulled up behind me. I got out to ask if he was ok. The driver told me he was fine - he was calling the police. After the phone call, he looked at me and he said, "Our guardian angel was with us."

Every day before leaving my home I pray. I pray for my family, friends, co-workers, and enemies. But, in addition to this - I pray for traveling grace and mercy. In my prayer, I ask that the Lord encamps His angels of safety around me. I ask that no problems arise with my vehicle and that I don't hit anyone or anything and no one and nothing hits me. Yesterday, I saw Him do everything I literally asked Him to do. Neither vehicle hit me - nor did I hit anyone.

I am sharing my testimony to encourage someone to make your request known - literally.

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

— 1 Peter 5:7 NIV

Gratitude, Gluttony and Stewardship; What do These Words Have in Common?

Two weeks ago I participated in a special project at work that involved sitting in a small, hot, and eventually funky conference room for nine hours with 15 people for three days. During one of the breaks a conversation started about foods we liked as children, one of the attendees that I had considered to be an ass – based on his demeanor and unnecessary outbursts, made a comment about his 2-year-old son, he said, “I buy the dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets for my son, it is the only thing I can get him to eat…he is such a jerk.” My initial thought after hearing this was –“hmm…the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.” Don’t worry, I didn’t verbalize it, I know when to keep my mouth shut – most of the time anyway. Then I thought about his statement a little more in relation to myself. His comment made me think about my sons who passed away and I how much I would rather struggle with feeding them than the struggle I face not having them here with me. My point to all of this is gratitude.

How often do we discount the things we have or the people in our lives? Are we so consumed by obtaining what we don’t have that we don’t take the time to appreciate what we do have? Which brings me to the next word - gluttony. I'm pretty sure this word is frowned upon and considered a horrible noun. But, how many of us are guilty of it? I have to raise my hand high - I am guilty.

The word gluttony is typically used to describe individuals who are obese or assumed to be overeaters. However, gluttony is not just excessive eating or drinking. It is also defined as greedy or excessive indulgence, which can be related to anything.

I cannot begin to tell you how many pairs of shoes I own or how many articles of clothing I possess. Truth be told, I developed the habit of purchasing items because I liked them and not because I needed them - gluttonous. I don't need to buy everything I like. Which, brings me to the third word - stewardship. Stewardship is defined as the activity or job of protecting and being responsible of something. I must admit that I have not been a very good steward of what I have been blessed to possess.

The concept of stewardship has been on my mind for quite some time, and I have come to realize how I take so many things for granted. I had been pondering over my desires for new things. Don't get me wrong, I realize there is nothing wrong with wanting more than what we may possess at a given time. However, I had to ask myself; What are you doing with what you already have? Are you showing gratitude at the level you are at in your current position? Are you applying yourself and doing your best in your job? Or are you complaining and looking elsewhere? Are you being a good steward with what you have already been given as it relates to your possessions? Or are you being ungrateful and just obtaining more? Why should I expect more when I'm being an ungrateful, gluttonous, and horrible steward? 

I believe being a good steward means being grateful for what I have and utilizing it to the fullest to help myself and others. I also think it involves using resources such as; time, money, energy, and talents wisely. Additionally, good stewardship means appreciating those resources by living in the moment and cherishing what I have been blessed to have.

I am asking the Lord to forgive me for my ungrateful gluttonous ways and I am also asking for help in being a better steward.

I found it quite interesting how the behavior of another person, which I frowned upon, enabled me to see my own issues. Matthew 7:5 hit me like a ton of bricks.

Women: The Siskel & Ebert in Life And It Is All Society's Fault

"What is she wearing?"

"She thinks she's cute, but she's not."

"Why won't she do something with her hair?"

"Didn't she have that on last week?"

For some unknown reason - well at least not known to me, women have the tendency to pass judgment on other women, and it starts at a young age. When I was about 9 years old I was shopping with my mother and brother when I noticed another little girl was staring at me. I turned to my brother and I asked, "Why is she looking at me?" He said, "She is checking out what you have on."

There seems to be an unannounced competition between females that takes place at school, work, and church - basically any place where more than one female is present at the same time. But, why? What is it about some women that brings about so much concern for what another female is doing? Are these women so unhappy with themselves that they need to project it onto others?

On August 28, 2016 Ms. Alicia Keys showed up at the MTV Music Awards without make-up and there was a lot hoop-la over it. Why? Could it be because there are a lot of women who think they don't look good without make-up? Society at its best again, defining beauty for all to mimic.

For decades women have been told how they should look. From back to back commercials for products to make those fine lines disappear to washing that gray right out of your hair. Not to mention Jenny Craig commercials followed by Nutrisystem commercials telling us to lose weight. I won't even get started on the wonderful airbrushed magazine covers located in your favorite grocery store and pharmacy. But, the most saddening aspect of all of this is - we allow it, and we enforce it. What do you think would happen if we stopped? What would happen if we stopped allowing society to tell us how we should look? What if we stop comparing and competing and just be who we are and do what we like because we like it and not because society says we should or shouldn't?

I have mentioned, on numerous occasions how influential we can be - even if we don't consider ourselves to be role models, someone is watching and following in our footsteps. And as I've also stated many times before - we influence children. I read an article by Jia Wertz a few weeks ago that left me disheartened. The article addressed negative comments that were made by adult females about Blue Ivy. There were a plethora of tweets calling the four-year-old girl ugly. Honestly speaking, we shouldn't be surprised by the existence of bullying among our youth - look at how adults behave. Do we realize the impact this incident may have on - not just this little girl, but every female that read the comments or heard about it? Firstly, these actions sends the message that any female young or old can be subjected to such ridicule. Secondly, it sends a message that they can do it too. Can we break this cycle?

What was gained through labeling Blue Ivy ugly - or any other female for that matter? Did it make them feel better about themselves? This is another example of how detrimental social media can be. It gives bullies the courage to say things sitting behind a keyboard that they probably wouldn't say to the person's face. Maybe I'm delusional, but why can't we celebrate and encourage each other as opposed to tearing another person down? We are all females. We know the struggles of insecurities and acceptance. So, why not make the process easier for others - especially adolescent girls.

Delusional or not, I will continue to spread encouragement and love to all who are open to embrace it. Will you join me?

Surviving Emotional Abuse: Why Self-Esteem is So Important to Me

Domestic Abuse is not always physical – I know this because I was emotionally abused. And if I am going to be perfectly honest, if I had stayed any longer I believe it would have become physical. Emotional abuse consists of repeated verbal offense, threats, bullying, and continuous criticism, as well as muted behaviors like intimidating, shaming and manipulating.

Earlier this week I was conversing with a friend and somehow we arrived on the topic of abuse. Now that I think about it, I know how we got there. The conversation started when she asked me about my recent plus-size blog post, "Not Even the "V" is Safe From Ridicule?!?" http://www.stylishbuxombeauty.com/not-even-the-v-is-safe-from-ridicule/. She was surprised to learn about Labiaplasty, and quite frankly - so was I. We discussed how some women are subjected to ridicule by their significant other and how this can cause them to alter themselves in order to be accepted by their abuser. My friend asked a question that I was not prepared for, “Why do you think some women are abused? Is it because they have low self-esteem?”

I wasn’t ready for that question mainly because I am a survivor of emotional abuse and I considered myself to be a person with a healthy level of self-esteem prior to the aforementioned relationship. Having said that, it wasn’t always like that. During my adolescent years I struggled with my self-worth, but I overcame it. So, why did I succumb to emotional abuse?

I realize a lot of people don’t understand how someone could become involved in an abusive relationship and not exit immediately. The truth of the matter is, the abuser breaks the victim down over time. They make him or her feel like they deserve what is happening to them. The victim is led to believe they are causing the abuser to behave this way. The constant criticism and ridicule causes you to question yourself.

I was repeatedly reminded of my flaws and mistakes. He compared me to other women and blamed me for his insecurities. Even though emotional abuse doesn't leave any clearly visible bruises, it does leave its mark on the human psyche. My countenance was different. I had been isolated from my family and friends and I lived in fear. He didn't always abuse me verbally, but it happened more often than not. ­­I stopped taking pride in my appearance and I felt unattractive and unloved. I was extremely unhappy.

In spite of his attempts at breaking me, there were still remnants of self-worth that resurfaced and reminded me of who I am. I distinctively remember the day things changed for me in that relationship. We were arguing, as usual - he was telling me how horrible I was - as usual, he said, "No one likes you and no one wants to be around you." I listened to the words and I started to accept them, but something within me reminded me of the truth and I confronted what was trying to destroy me with that truth. I started to remember the coworkers, church members, family members and friends who told me how my presence positively affected their lives. Then it occurred to me that his words were untrue and he was the problem - not me.

In retrospect, I realize I ignored telltale signs that something wasn't right. In some cases, emotional abusers don't realize they are doing it. If you think you may be in an abusive relationship I implore you to seek help. Even if there is a positive attribute of the relationship, you do not deserve to be mistreated for any reason - that ain't love.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/02/20/signs-of-emotional-abuse/