Reflections: My Children Are Angels
When my niece was born twenty-some years ago, I distinctly remember how the waiting room was set up. I also recall watching my brother periodically look at me with one eye when he woke up momentarily from his catnap as he awaited the arrival of his first child. Although the birth of Miss Morgan was monumental, something else occurred in that hospital waiting room that made a profound impact on my psyche. I had no idea the event would hit me personally seven years later.
On the night my beautiful niece came into this world, there was another person who made an unexpected mark in my mind. She was dark-skinned, slim, and relatively tall, compared to me, but what I remember the most was the fact that she was crying. I watched her sit down as she was handed a photo, and she said, “He looks like me.” Her baby died.
Over the past twenty-some years the activity I just described has replayed in my mind. I could hear and see the pain she was experiencing, but I had no idea I would have a connection with that stranger years later. I believe that encounter happened for a reason and I think of her often. And as I am writing this I realize I should have prayed for her in those moments she visited my mind, so I will pray for her now.
I know how it feels to have all your hopes you have for your child’s life to vanish within seconds. It is a pain I lack the words to describe. It is also a feeling that visits me sometimes. In full transparency, it almost overtook me yesterday during a conversation with two of my coworkers.
One of the members of my team is expecting her second child. She is due to deliver in a few weeks and she was sharing all of the things she is preparing and the things she is worried about. As she was talking, my mind drifted back to 2011 and 2013, and I replayed the moments when I lost my sons.
When the conversation ended and I was by myself, sadness started to grow within me, but I was able to counter it when I remembered God’s will is perfect, even if I don’t understand it.
“In every thing give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” -I Thessalonians 5:18 KJV
I decided to give God thanks instead of being sad and I was uplifted. By no means am I saying one shouldn’t grieve. On the contrary, grief is natural and can be beneficial when it is processed healthily. With this in mind, today, 15 October, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. it is my hope and prayer that those of us who have experienced infant and pregnancy loss find comfort and healing today and every day.
