The ‘Miseducation’ of Control

Earlier today, I was asked, “With the untimely arrival of the coronavirus, has your bucket list changed and if so, how?” I considered this to be an interesting question that has the potential to generate good conversations. However, what piqued my interest was the word “untimely.” The word means an event or activity happens at a time that is unsuitable or premature. But how is that possible? Nothing is premature or takes place at an unsuitable time.

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1 KJV

According to the dictionary, there are a few words used to define control. However, I want to focus on one descriptor, the power to influence or direct the course of events. Generally speaking, we have the misguided belief that we are in control. The last three months have enabled me to see how I have deceived myself. Before the issuance of the stay at home orders, I had a habit of planning my day and intentions without consulting the one who makes all things possible.

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

Proverbs 19:21 EHV

The question—and the coronavirus— is giving me a chance to examine myself. I realize how difficult I’ve been making things. Acknowledging there is a time and a purpose for everything that happens is essential to experiencing peace. But more importantly, embracing the fact that God is in control of everything is a major key to managing my behavior. Things will be better for me as soon as I begin to fully trust Him. When I trust Him, He directs me for His purpose.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.”

Proverbs 2:5-7 KJV

He has a plan for my life and it is my responsibility to submit to His will. I admit there have been times when I made it difficult because I didn’t understand why or because it was painful. But I’ve learned that understanding will come in due time or not at all. Furthermore, comprehension is not a requisite for compliance.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

Jeremiah 29:11 KJV

“Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”

Psalm 37:4-5 KJV

So, has my bucket list changed? In a manner of speaking, it has. Now I earnestly seek God for direction concerning everything. It doesn’t just make things easier, it is also an act of obedience.

Everybody Makes Mistakes, No Diggity, No Doubt

“Forget mistakes. Forget failure. Forget everything except what you’re going to do now and do it.”

— Will Durant

Decades ago I was a huge fan of the R&B group Guy, and practically every song written and produced by Teddy Riley in the 1990s. I also crushed on Aaron Hall—but I digress. A few weeks ago, renowned music producers Teddy Riley and Kenny “Babyface” Edmonds participated in an Instagram music “battle.” The concept involved the two producers playing their hits, in turn, to beat the other in a good-natured way.

Although I am a fan of the music created by both men, I wasn’t among the half-a-million plus people who watched it. But I read some of the comments and saw a handful of memes highlighting the aftermath of the event.

I felt bad for TR. We all indeed make mistakes—it is a part of being human. But for most of us, our mistakes aren’t viewed, mocked, and blasted over social media by millions of people. I commend TR for looking past the ridicule and moving forward.

Life never ceases to amaze me. I came across Will Durant’s quote when I initially thought about writing this post. I considered finding it as a form of confirmation and support for my blog. Little did I know, it would mean more than that to me a few weeks later.

Last week I encountered the most humiliating event of my career. I’ve wondered what stories will be told and questions asked about what transpired. But I remembered Mr. Durant’s quote and a familiar scripture.

“Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before”

Philippians 3:13 KJV

Mistakes happen along with things we just don’t understand. But It is my hope to encourage you and me to follow the examples of Will Durant, TR, and Paul—forget about it and focus on the now.

Peace in the Midst of the Storm

“What is it about your family, pets, or friends that brings you the most comfort, security, or strength, especially during times of crisis when facing the unknown?”

The above question was presented to me on Monday and I could hardly wait for the opportunity to answer it. I’ve had a few crises in my life; and in every situation, there were two resources I drew strength from to get through, my family and my faith.

Like a lot of people, my family is important to me and I realize how blessed I am to have them. My parents have always been supportive and loving. They have provided guidance, encouragement, instruction, and correction whenever I needed it. And even though I was known for fighting my brother’s battles when we were children—he became my “knight in shining armor” as we transitioned into adulthood. He is always there when I need him without question or hesitation.

When I was a child, our family was commonly referred to as “the family on the fan.” Years ago hand fans were typically distributed on hot Sundays during the summer months in black churches. There were three fan designs that I remember from the church I attended as a child. One had a picture of “praying hands,” the other was a depiction of Jesus knocking on a wooden door, and the last one had a picture of a black family of four—which the Bryants were compared to. Honestly, it was a fair comparison. The image depicts a father, a mother, a son, and a daughter—that is us. To me, the picture on the fan also tells a story of a family that values their belief in a higher being, which is also us.

My belief in God was instilled in me by my parents. They taught my brother and me to look to God for help in everything through prayer and reading scriptures. Their instruction has gotten me through a lot of difficult times over the years. I’ve shared one of those times before and it bears repeating.

When I was younger, we had testimony services in the church I grew up in. I can distinctly remember the recurring phrase “He is the Prince of Peace” by several people. Although I didn’t doubt the statement when I heard it, it would be years later before I experienced it for myself.

In January 2013, I was in the hospital fighting for my life and the life of my unborn child. I vividly remember the moment my doctor told me I had an infection and she feared both my son and I were going to die. The following morning I delivered my son and he died an hour later. The hope I had for Elijah to live—my desire to see him grow up—was not God’s plan. But in the midst of losing my son, I had a peace that surpassed my understanding. Three years before this experience, I had a conversation with my father about what it means to know something. He said, “You don’t truly know something until you have experienced it.” His words stuck with me and I learned he is right.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

2 Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

3 Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.

4 There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.

5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.

6 The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted.

7 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

8 Come, behold the works of the Lord, what desolations he hath made in the earth.

9 He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.

10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

11 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.”

— Psalm 46 KJV

So, what is it that brings me the most comfort, security, or strength, especially during times of crisis when facing the unknown? It is knowing Jesus is peace in the midst of the storm—for He is the Prince of Peace.

Self Sabotage: My Masquerade Ball

A few years ago I thought about celebrating my 40th birthday with a masquerade ball themed party. It seemed like a fun way to bring in a milestone birthday; however, I didn’t follow through with the idea. But I think I’ve been living in a masquerade for several months anyway.

Because of COVID-19, I am working on a modified schedule—and I am happy about it. The older I get the more I acknowledge I am an introvert and I am totally elated over not being around a lot of people. But I’ve also noticed how my mindset shifts when I realize my self-isolation time is ending and my return to work is drawing nigh. Bottom line—I don’t want to go. But why? The answer is—deep inside behind the mask—I don’t believe I can do my job.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve shared my revelations regarding my struggles with fear and doubt. Although everything I said is true and vitally important to successfully gaining victory in this situation—there is still a missing piece. I’ve come to realize learning something isn’t the final step of the process—applying it is.

“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in glass: For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was. But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.”

James 1:22-25 KJV

I haven’t faced the fact that I don’t fully believe in myself. If I did, I wouldn’t be so easily persuaded to give in to fear and doubt. That was painful, yet therapeutic to write. I’ve been sabotaging myself. I’m obstructing my progress while masking it with a portion of the truth. When I’ve questioned my abilities, I reminded myself that I can do all things through Christ and I expected my mindset to change. But once again, I failed to apply the facts to the situation.

“But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.”

Hebrews 11:6 KJV

I’ve been deceiving myself—wearing a mask. I say I believe God’s Word to be true, but I haven’t exercised faith.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

Philippians 4:13 KJV

The above scripture lets us know that we can do everything we are assigned to do through Christ. So if I doubt my abilities, I am in fact doubting God.

“God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?”

Numbers 23:19 KJV

I can do everything God has predestined me to do simply because He said I can and He can not lie. Now that I’ve identified another error of my ways and the path to correct it, I must apply it and put to action. Here I go…

Make Melody in Your Heart; The Choice is Yours

“I will sing unto the Lord as long as I live: I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.

My meditation of him shall be sweet: I will be glad in the LORD.”

— Psalm 104:33-34

At some point yesterday, I had a flashback of the group Black Sheep performing “The Choice is Yours” on In Living Color back in 1990-something. Initially, I thought this was random—one of these days I hope to fully come to the realization that everything happens for a reason—but I digress. This flashback reminded me of how much I am influenced by music and how powerful it is. A portion of the reprise of the song came back to my remembrance and caught my attention.

“You can get with this, or you can get with that…”

A few weeks ago I shared how I have been struggling with fear and doubt at work. Although I know what to do to combat these thoughts and feelings, it can be hard to implement them at times. And recently, the struggle came up again. I found myself trying to fight through thoughts and feelings of inadequacy and anxiety—and unfortunately—I gave in to them. When I chose to believe I am not equipped to do my job, I became agitated and defensive. I interpreted everything that was said or done as negative—I projected my feelings of doubt onto the people around me. But fortunately I realized what I was doing. The choice was mine—I made the conscious decision to doubt.

When I recognized the error of my ways, I remembered a familiar scripture.

“Finally, brethern, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Philippians 4:8 KJV

In every situation I can choose to respond negatively or positively—the choice is mine. In the midst of this revelation, more statements were made that could have been taken negatively. But I chose the positive route and made melody in my heart. The comment may be valid or totally untrue, but…

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 KJV

So now when I witness something that could be interpreted as negative I sing “and I know all things work together for my good.”

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7 KJV

You can get with this…positive…or you can get with that…negative. The choice is yours.