My Life is In Your Hands

“Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.”

— Philippians 3:12 KJV

A year ago, I was reminded of the song “My Life is in Your Hands” by Kirk Franklin. The song came to my mind the night before I started a new job. I was unsure of myself and I was questioning whether or not I could succeed at what I was about to embark upon. At the time, I thought the song came to my remembrance to comfort and reassure me. I saw it as a message of hope and my pending victory in the position I held, but now I view it differently. Now I know the victory is in something greater.

There has been a recurring theme—or more specifically, a scripture—that has been present in my life over the last six months.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. ”

— Romans 8:28 KJV

Don’t get me wrong, I was aware of the existence of the scripture, but I hadn’t come to the full understanding of it. Having said that, I am still learning. I am not at the place where I can honestly say I have apprehended all God has for me to learn. I say I didn’t understand the scripture fully because of another familiar passage.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.”

— Isaiah 55:8 KJV

In a nutshell, I formed a picture in my mind of how things would pan out. There are quite a few reasons why this was wrong. For starters, I took God out of the equation and created the end result in my mind. I hadn’t considered the fact that He is the author and finisher of my faith—He is in control, not me. With this in mind as Isaiah 55:8 states, my thoughts and ways are not like His. So, I am incapable of coming to the correct conclusion by depending on my understanding.

My second mistake was not acknowledging Him and trusting Him for the end result regardless of what was ordained to transpire. The fact of the matter is, things happen in life that don’t feel good, but it is for my betterment.

My reality panned out in a completely different direction multiple times in my life. I thought my marriage would be mended and that my children would live. The opposite happened. And although it hurt, it was for my good.

I am learning the importance of submission. Realizing that I can do absolutely nothing without God. I am in a better position when I don’t depend on my own understanding.

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. ”

— Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV

“For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring.”

— Acts 17:28

Learning this and being obedient to it is far greater than natural accolades for a job well done. Now that I understand it better, I must do better.

The Divided State of America Part Two: Confessions of a New Found Believer →

In most cases, I believe I do a good job of articulating my thoughts and feelings, but during this week, that hasn’t been the case. One of my thoughts or emotions I have been able to identify can be labeled as regret, remorse, or self-correction—I realized I made a huge mistake.

Four years ago I wrote the blog post, The Divided State of America. In this article, I didn’t specify my stance as I expressed my thoughts regarding #BlackLivesMatter, #BlueLivesMatter, and #AllLivesMatter, and I am embarrassed to admit that I didn’t truly get it until the recent deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd—I just realized the error of my ways.

I am a black woman who hasn’t experienced racial profiling by a police officer nor have I been subjected to racial slurs or mistreatment to my face, other than the time I was followed by a security guard in a department store in Caversham, England and the time a white South African didn’t believe I was the woman of the house he was servicing. I’m not sure if these facts blinded me from the truth that #AllLivesMatter can’t exist in a world where people need to be reminded that #BlackLivesMatter.

My heart was heavy as I read an influx of posts on social media where people mocked the death of George Floyd and posted blatant racists statements that were liked and shared by masses of people. I realized I had been blinded by my heartfelt belief that all lives are precious, and I had a deep hope within me that everyone else felt the same way. But the truth of the matter is, if that were true, there would be no need to state #BlackLivesMatter.

Please don’t misunderstand me, I know we all have opinions and view life differently at different stages; but, when I see #AllLivesMatter in response to #BlackLivesMatter, I find it infuriating. Partly because if #AllLivesMatter there would be no need to inform folks that #BlackLivesMatter. But the main reason why it infuriates me is that up until a few days ago I was one of those folks, I overlooked a vital part of the message. The stance isn’t that black lives are the only ones that matter—we want the world to realize and embrace the fact that we are one group of the many who do. It isn’t a discredit to any other group, race, or entity.

I have an older brother who loves to run, and he lives in a neighborhood where there aren’t a lot of people who were born with an abundance of melanin. And unfortunately, I recall seeing a confederate flag waving high in the sky by a house not far from where he lives. Will a racist father and son with less pigmentation approach my brother and threaten his life? I shouldn’t have thoughts of whether or not he will be safe in his neighborhood as he gets his exercise during a daily run. My brother’s life matters.

I realize I hadn’t opened my eyes to the fact that there are people in this world who weren’t fortunate to have parents that taught them to love and accept people regardless of race. When I think about my father and the racism he endured as a child growing up in the south, I am overwhelmed with admiration that he did not teach my brother and me to hate. I recognize how difficult it had to be for him to experience mistreatment and undiluted hate that was considered justified simply because he was born a black man. My father’s life matters. I hadn’t truly embraced the fact that non-acceptance and hate are taught—it has to be instilled in order for it to be demonstrated.

I wholeheartedly believe all lives matter—but as a unit—we’re not there yet because all lives aren’t viewed equally. If they were, we wouldn’t need to say #BlackLivesMatter.

The ‘Miseducation’ of Control

Earlier today, I was asked, “With the untimely arrival of the coronavirus, has your bucket list changed and if so, how?” I considered this to be an interesting question that has the potential to generate good conversations. However, what piqued my interest was the word “untimely.” The word means an event or activity happens at a time that is unsuitable or premature. But how is that possible? Nothing is premature or takes place at an unsuitable time.

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1 KJV

According to the dictionary, there are a few words used to define control. However, I want to focus on one descriptor, the power to influence or direct the course of events. Generally speaking, we have the misguided belief that we are in control. The last three months have enabled me to see how I have deceived myself. Before the issuance of the stay at home orders, I had a habit of planning my day and intentions without consulting the one who makes all things possible.

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

Proverbs 19:21 EHV

The question—and the coronavirus— is giving me a chance to examine myself. I realize how difficult I’ve been making things. Acknowledging there is a time and a purpose for everything that happens is essential to experiencing peace. But more importantly, embracing the fact that God is in control of everything is a major key to managing my behavior. Things will be better for me as soon as I begin to fully trust Him. When I trust Him, He directs me for His purpose.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.”

Proverbs 2:5-7 KJV

He has a plan for my life and it is my responsibility to submit to His will. I admit there have been times when I made it difficult because I didn’t understand why or because it was painful. But I’ve learned that understanding will come in due time or not at all. Furthermore, comprehension is not a requisite for compliance.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

Jeremiah 29:11 KJV

“Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”

Psalm 37:4-5 KJV

So, has my bucket list changed? In a manner of speaking, it has. Now I earnestly seek God for direction concerning everything. It doesn’t just make things easier, it is also an act of obedience.

Everybody Makes Mistakes, No Diggity, No Doubt

“Forget mistakes. Forget failure. Forget everything except what you’re going to do now and do it.”

— Will Durant

Decades ago I was a huge fan of the R&B group Guy, and practically every song written and produced by Teddy Riley in the 1990s. I also crushed on Aaron Hall—but I digress. A few weeks ago, renowned music producers Teddy Riley and Kenny “Babyface” Edmonds participated in an Instagram music “battle.” The concept involved the two producers playing their hits, in turn, to beat the other in a good-natured way.

Although I am a fan of the music created by both men, I wasn’t among the half-a-million plus people who watched it. But I read some of the comments and saw a handful of memes highlighting the aftermath of the event.

I felt bad for TR. We all indeed make mistakes—it is a part of being human. But for most of us, our mistakes aren’t viewed, mocked, and blasted over social media by millions of people. I commend TR for looking past the ridicule and moving forward.

Life never ceases to amaze me. I came across Will Durant’s quote when I initially thought about writing this post. I considered finding it as a form of confirmation and support for my blog. Little did I know, it would mean more than that to me a few weeks later.

Last week I encountered the most humiliating event of my career. I’ve wondered what stories will be told and questions asked about what transpired. But I remembered Mr. Durant’s quote and a familiar scripture.

“Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before”

Philippians 3:13 KJV

Mistakes happen along with things we just don’t understand. But It is my hope to encourage you and me to follow the examples of Will Durant, TR, and Paul—forget about it and focus on the now.

Peace in the Midst of the Storm

“What is it about your family, pets, or friends that brings you the most comfort, security, or strength, especially during times of crisis when facing the unknown?”

The above question was presented to me on Monday and I could hardly wait for the opportunity to answer it. I’ve had a few crises in my life; and in every situation, there were two resources I drew strength from to get through, my family and my faith.

Like a lot of people, my family is important to me and I realize how blessed I am to have them. My parents have always been supportive and loving. They have provided guidance, encouragement, instruction, and correction whenever I needed it. And even though I was known for fighting my brother’s battles when we were children—he became my “knight in shining armor” as we transitioned into adulthood. He is always there when I need him without question or hesitation.

When I was a child, our family was commonly referred to as “the family on the fan.” Years ago hand fans were typically distributed on hot Sundays during the summer months in black churches. There were three fan designs that I remember from the church I attended as a child. One had a picture of “praying hands,” the other was a depiction of Jesus knocking on a wooden door, and the last one had a picture of a black family of four—which the Bryants were compared to. Honestly, it was a fair comparison. The image depicts a father, a mother, a son, and a daughter—that is us. To me, the picture on the fan also tells a story of a family that values their belief in a higher being, which is also us.

My belief in God was instilled in me by my parents. They taught my brother and me to look to God for help in everything through prayer and reading scriptures. Their instruction has gotten me through a lot of difficult times over the years. I’ve shared one of those times before and it bears repeating.

When I was younger, we had testimony services in the church I grew up in. I can distinctly remember the recurring phrase “He is the Prince of Peace” by several people. Although I didn’t doubt the statement when I heard it, it would be years later before I experienced it for myself.

In January 2013, I was in the hospital fighting for my life and the life of my unborn child. I vividly remember the moment my doctor told me I had an infection and she feared both my son and I were going to die. The following morning I delivered my son and he died an hour later. The hope I had for Elijah to live—my desire to see him grow up—was not God’s plan. But in the midst of losing my son, I had a peace that surpassed my understanding. Three years before this experience, I had a conversation with my father about what it means to know something. He said, “You don’t truly know something until you have experienced it.” His words stuck with me and I learned he is right.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

2 Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

3 Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.

4 There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.

5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.

6 The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted.

7 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

8 Come, behold the works of the Lord, what desolations he hath made in the earth.

9 He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.

10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

11 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.”

— Psalm 46 KJV

So, what is it that brings me the most comfort, security, or strength, especially during times of crisis when facing the unknown? It is knowing Jesus is peace in the midst of the storm—for He is the Prince of Peace.