“My Fear is My Only Courage”

One day last week during my trek to work, I listened to “No Woman No Cry” by Bob Marley and the Wailers. I admit I typically skip this song, but for whatever reason, I decided not to this time. As I was listening to the song, I heard the words “my fear is my only courage,” and it made me pause. I thought it was an interesting statement and I wanted to know what it meant. I also wondered if I could apply it to my life.

Over the last several months, I’ve been acknowledging how much I’ve allowed fear to hinder me. I let fear stop me from proudly being who I am during my adolescent years. I was afraid of ridicule and rejection; which, is pretty ironic simply because not proudly being myself didn’t make me popular or abundantly liked. In hindsight, I didn’t gain anything by not embracing who I am. Fast forward to my years as a young adult—I believed and feared not being good enough, talented enough, or smart enough to do a lot of things. But I am amazed when I think back to when I was a small child—before I was exposed to peer pressure and self-doubt— I faced any giant without fear. Where did she go?

As I stated earlier in this post, I was curious to find out what “my fear is my only courage” meant, so…I turned to Google. My search yielded some interesting information. There is a debate over whether or not Mr. Bob Marley said, “My fear is my only courage,” or “My feet are my only carriage.” Nevertheless—in the usual Towanda fashion—I decided to define what I heard and apply it to my life.

So, what does ‘my fear is my only courage’ mean to me? As I was searching for its meaning on the Internet, I stumbled upon another quote.

“Courage is not the absence of fear but the mastery of it.”

Multiple people have been given credit for the above quote: Victor Hugo, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and Nelson Mandela. I also read a variation that was credited to Theodore Roosevelt. The origin of the quote is not my concern for this post, but how I manage my fear is and I am reminded of a familiar scripture.

“God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

— 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV

Now that I’ve explored a few possibilities of what “My fear is my only courage” means, I’ve concluded what it means to me. Since I know I obtain a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind, there is no need for me to give in to fear. And I can literally—and figuratively—stand or move forward. Feelings of fear are now a motivator for me to push through. And for the fearless child who stood up to bullies twice her size—she’s still with me. I just allowed her to become dormant, but she is awake now and ready to fight that unwelcomed spirit of fear.

I Can Do All Things Through Christ, but What is My Assignment?

In the last MHIL blog post, I expressed what I learned about my life being in the hands of the Lord. But another part of the lesson came to my mind last week.

I hadn’t been viewing another familiar scripture fully. Once again, I am not saying I’ve grasped all of its meaning; but, I see another part of it now.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

— Philippians 4:13 KJV

It is a fact that we can do all things through Christ. We can because in Him we live more and have our being. Bottom line, we can’t do anything without Him. I shared on a few occasions how I struggled with my self-confidence as it relates to my abilities and I drew strength from the above scripture. But there were times that I had a hard time understanding why the outcome felt like failure and not success. It was at that moment that I realized I needed to alter how I view success, which brings me to the topic of this post.

Philippians 4:13 reminds us that we can do all things, but I was focused on one thing in particular, which was my definition of success. But Isaiah 55:8 tells us that our thoughts and ways are not like the Lord’s. So, what was I assigned to do?

The thing we are enabled to do through Christ at a particular time in a certain situation may vary. My assignment may have been to suffer, through and by the power of God. My assignment may have been to wait and trust God, through and by the power of Christ. My assignment may have been to learn more about God, through and by the power of Christ. What we are assigned to do and obtain may not be what we think it is. So, what’s the plan?

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. ”

— Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV

My Life is In Your Hands

“Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.”

— Philippians 3:12 KJV

A year ago, I was reminded of the song “My Life is in Your Hands” by Kirk Franklin. The song came to my mind the night before I started a new job. I was unsure of myself and I was questioning whether or not I could succeed at what I was about to embark upon. At the time, I thought the song came to my remembrance to comfort and reassure me. I saw it as a message of hope and my pending victory in the position I held, but now I view it differently. Now I know the victory is in something greater.

There has been a recurring theme—or more specifically, a scripture—that has been present in my life over the last six months.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. ”

— Romans 8:28 KJV

Don’t get me wrong, I was aware of the existence of the scripture, but I hadn’t come to the full understanding of it. Having said that, I am still learning. I am not at the place where I can honestly say I have apprehended all God has for me to learn. I say I didn’t understand the scripture fully because of another familiar passage.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.”

— Isaiah 55:8 KJV

In a nutshell, I formed a picture in my mind of how things would pan out. There are quite a few reasons why this was wrong. For starters, I took God out of the equation and created the end result in my mind. I hadn’t considered the fact that He is the author and finisher of my faith—He is in control, not me. With this in mind as Isaiah 55:8 states, my thoughts and ways are not like His. So, I am incapable of coming to the correct conclusion by depending on my understanding.

My second mistake was not acknowledging Him and trusting Him for the end result regardless of what was ordained to transpire. The fact of the matter is, things happen in life that don’t feel good, but it is for my betterment.

My reality panned out in a completely different direction multiple times in my life. I thought my marriage would be mended and that my children would live. The opposite happened. And although it hurt, it was for my good.

I am learning the importance of submission. Realizing that I can do absolutely nothing without God. I am in a better position when I don’t depend on my own understanding.

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. ”

— Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV

“For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring.”

— Acts 17:28

Learning this and being obedient to it is far greater than natural accolades for a job well done. Now that I understand it better, I must do better.

The Divided State of America Part Two: Confessions of a New Found Believer →

In most cases, I believe I do a good job of articulating my thoughts and feelings, but during this week, that hasn’t been the case. One of my thoughts or emotions I have been able to identify can be labeled as regret, remorse, or self-correction—I realized I made a huge mistake.

Four years ago I wrote the blog post, The Divided State of America. In this article, I didn’t specify my stance as I expressed my thoughts regarding #BlackLivesMatter, #BlueLivesMatter, and #AllLivesMatter, and I am embarrassed to admit that I didn’t truly get it until the recent deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd—I just realized the error of my ways.

I am a black woman who hasn’t experienced racial profiling by a police officer nor have I been subjected to racial slurs or mistreatment to my face, other than the time I was followed by a security guard in a department store in Caversham, England and the time a white South African didn’t believe I was the woman of the house he was servicing. I’m not sure if these facts blinded me from the truth that #AllLivesMatter can’t exist in a world where people need to be reminded that #BlackLivesMatter.

My heart was heavy as I read an influx of posts on social media where people mocked the death of George Floyd and posted blatant racists statements that were liked and shared by masses of people. I realized I had been blinded by my heartfelt belief that all lives are precious, and I had a deep hope within me that everyone else felt the same way. But the truth of the matter is, if that were true, there would be no need to state #BlackLivesMatter.

Please don’t misunderstand me, I know we all have opinions and view life differently at different stages; but, when I see #AllLivesMatter in response to #BlackLivesMatter, I find it infuriating. Partly because if #AllLivesMatter there would be no need to inform folks that #BlackLivesMatter. But the main reason why it infuriates me is that up until a few days ago I was one of those folks, I overlooked a vital part of the message. The stance isn’t that black lives are the only ones that matter—we want the world to realize and embrace the fact that we are one group of the many who do. It isn’t a discredit to any other group, race, or entity.

I have an older brother who loves to run, and he lives in a neighborhood where there aren’t a lot of people who were born with an abundance of melanin. And unfortunately, I recall seeing a confederate flag waving high in the sky by a house not far from where he lives. Will a racist father and son with less pigmentation approach my brother and threaten his life? I shouldn’t have thoughts of whether or not he will be safe in his neighborhood as he gets his exercise during a daily run. My brother’s life matters.

I realize I hadn’t opened my eyes to the fact that there are people in this world who weren’t fortunate to have parents that taught them to love and accept people regardless of race. When I think about my father and the racism he endured as a child growing up in the south, I am overwhelmed with admiration that he did not teach my brother and me to hate. I recognize how difficult it had to be for him to experience mistreatment and undiluted hate that was considered justified simply because he was born a black man. My father’s life matters. I hadn’t truly embraced the fact that non-acceptance and hate are taught—it has to be instilled in order for it to be demonstrated.

I wholeheartedly believe all lives matter—but as a unit—we’re not there yet because all lives aren’t viewed equally. If they were, we wouldn’t need to say #BlackLivesMatter.

The ‘Miseducation’ of Control

Earlier today, I was asked, “With the untimely arrival of the coronavirus, has your bucket list changed and if so, how?” I considered this to be an interesting question that has the potential to generate good conversations. However, what piqued my interest was the word “untimely.” The word means an event or activity happens at a time that is unsuitable or premature. But how is that possible? Nothing is premature or takes place at an unsuitable time.

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1 KJV

According to the dictionary, there are a few words used to define control. However, I want to focus on one descriptor, the power to influence or direct the course of events. Generally speaking, we have the misguided belief that we are in control. The last three months have enabled me to see how I have deceived myself. Before the issuance of the stay at home orders, I had a habit of planning my day and intentions without consulting the one who makes all things possible.

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

Proverbs 19:21 EHV

The question—and the coronavirus— is giving me a chance to examine myself. I realize how difficult I’ve been making things. Acknowledging there is a time and a purpose for everything that happens is essential to experiencing peace. But more importantly, embracing the fact that God is in control of everything is a major key to managing my behavior. Things will be better for me as soon as I begin to fully trust Him. When I trust Him, He directs me for His purpose.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.”

Proverbs 2:5-7 KJV

He has a plan for my life and it is my responsibility to submit to His will. I admit there have been times when I made it difficult because I didn’t understand why or because it was painful. But I’ve learned that understanding will come in due time or not at all. Furthermore, comprehension is not a requisite for compliance.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

Jeremiah 29:11 KJV

“Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”

Psalm 37:4-5 KJV

So, has my bucket list changed? In a manner of speaking, it has. Now I earnestly seek God for direction concerning everything. It doesn’t just make things easier, it is also an act of obedience.