It’s Cuffing Season; Is it Time for Me to Take That Leap?

Has being single for an extended period altered my view and desires for a relationship? A week ago I was under the impression that my lack of interest in dating again was due to my fears and trust issues. But recently being told, “you’re a catch, but I don’t think you want to be caught,” left me speechless. You see, my last relationship wasn’t that great. I was convinced the experience brought my ability to see who is potentially bad for me into question. In retrospect, I believe the signs were there, but I chose to ignore them. But I also wonder if I was blind to them because I wanted to be a wife and mother. I mean, I was 34 and unmarried. How many more chances was I going to get?

But with all things not considered, I accepted his offer of marriage and said “I do” in front of a small group of family and friends on a beautiful beach in south Miami. It is 10 years later and I am uncertain if that act was the biggest mistake of my life or the most influential thus far.

I’ve heard having regrets is sometimes labeled as immature. For me, the jury is still out. I realize everything I’ve encountered shaped the woman I am today. I also know that in God’s infinite wisdom, all things work together for my good. If I hadn’t said “I do,” I wouldn’t have experienced a level of pain and loss that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. Sometimes I wish I could have learned this lesson differently, but without it, I wouldn’t know how strong I am nor would I know about the peace that surpasses my understanding. Furthermore, I know better than to charge God foolishly.

Being single for seven years has enabled me to become content with who I am. The number seven denotes completion or perfection. By no means am I claiming to be perfect, on the contrary, I’ve learned how to embrace my imperfections. Who knows, maybe being single is what I needed to become the woman who is ready for a relationship. I mean, how can I make someone else happy if I’m not happy with myself? Now that I am at a better place with who I am, does this mean I’m ready to leap, or is it best for me to stand still? Honestly, the jury is still out on that one too.

Twenty Twenty: The Call of Duty

Several things inspire me to write—music, movies, and life in general. I was driven to write this particular post because of a recurring theme I’ve seen on social media. I read multiple messages expressing frustration with the events that have occurred over the past eight months, the feelings of discontent also include desires for the year to end. I don’t think anyone needs a reminder of what we have been experiencing, but I do believe we need to be reminded that there is a balm. Things happen in life that we don’t understand, but I want to encourage you to trust God’s plan. It may hurt sometimes, but it is still perfect.

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 KJV

Although there have been some trying moments within the last 250 days, the scripture above reminds me that troubles are not synonymous to 2020. Furthermore, the likelihood of more difficulties to arise is inevitable, but there is hope in this fact.

“Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.” 1 Peter 4:12-13 KJV

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 KJV

I have referenced and drawn strength from Romans the third chapter and the 28th verse several times over the past year. There is comfort in knowing that everything I encounter is for my good and it aligns with God’s purpose. And although we, in general terms, focus on the fact that God is intentional in everything He does, I want to draw your attention to another part of the verse. I want to encourage you to focus on “who are the called.”

When I thought about this verse a few days ago, I realized I had been missing a vital part of “who are the called.” I associated being called with being a minister or a pastor, but now I see it as all of us, and we are required or commanded to do something. This perspective covers a lot more as a believer. We are called to be obedient and to trust God.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes; fear the Lord, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.” Psalm 3:5-8 KJV

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.” Psalm 28:7 KJV

“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” Isaiah 41:10 KJV

“Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.” Psalm 46: 10-11 KJV

I am beginning to see how difficult I made things for myself. I am learning to trust God. Trusting Him generates peace beyond my understanding. The directions for obtaining and maintaining peace have been outlined and He is available for all who wish to embrace Him. And if you still have a lingering question on what your calling is…

“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.” Ecclesiastes 12:13 KJV

On the Road to Damascus

I watched “The Wiz” again, and I heard two things that I hadn’t noticed or focused on before.

The first thing I noticed took place during one of my favorite scenes—which makes me wonder what else I missed. After Dorothy meets the Scarecrow and causes the crows to scatter, the Scarecrow informs her that he doesn’t have a brain. The Scarecrow recognizes Dorothy’s doubt, so he shows her what’s in his head. When Dorothy sees what is occupying his head, she says, “Garbage.” 

The other thing I noticed was the lyrics to the song “Ease on Down the Road.” The words of the song that made me pause were, “don’t you carry nothing that might be a load.”

When I heard these two things, I picked up on a more profound message than I previously embraced.

According to Merriam-Webster, garbage is inaccurate or useless data. This definition made me realize I am more like the Scarecrow than I initially gathered. The thoughts of comparing, doubt, and fear—by its definition—is garbage, and I allowed it to settle in my head, which made me see an act of disobedience.

“Finally brethen, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.” - Philippians 4:8-9 KJV

Additionally, the lyrics to the song mentioned above allowed me to see another error in my ways.

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us…” - Hebrews 12:1 KJV

I have “garbage” in my head. I allowed comparing, self-doubt, and fear to occupy my mind, and it weighs me down, which has afflicted my ability to keep my course. I need to lay the weight and the sin down.

I can’t help but wonder if the creators of “The Wiz” intended to send this message. None-the-less, it is the message I got, and I am appreciative of it. Now that I’ve heard it, I need to do something about it by making this my turning point.

“My Fear is My Only Courage”

One day last week during my trek to work, I listened to “No Woman No Cry” by Bob Marley and the Wailers. I admit I typically skip this song, but for whatever reason, I decided not to this time. As I was listening to the song, I heard the words “my fear is my only courage,” and it made me pause. I thought it was an interesting statement and I wanted to know what it meant. I also wondered if I could apply it to my life.

Over the last several months, I’ve been acknowledging how much I’ve allowed fear to hinder me. I let fear stop me from proudly being who I am during my adolescent years. I was afraid of ridicule and rejection; which, is pretty ironic simply because not proudly being myself didn’t make me popular or abundantly liked. In hindsight, I didn’t gain anything by not embracing who I am. Fast forward to my years as a young adult—I believed and feared not being good enough, talented enough, or smart enough to do a lot of things. But I am amazed when I think back to when I was a small child—before I was exposed to peer pressure and self-doubt— I faced any giant without fear. Where did she go?

As I stated earlier in this post, I was curious to find out what “my fear is my only courage” meant, so…I turned to Google. My search yielded some interesting information. There is a debate over whether or not Mr. Bob Marley said, “My fear is my only courage,” or “My feet are my only carriage.” Nevertheless—in the usual Towanda fashion—I decided to define what I heard and apply it to my life.

So, what does ‘my fear is my only courage’ mean to me? As I was searching for its meaning on the Internet, I stumbled upon another quote.

“Courage is not the absence of fear but the mastery of it.”

Multiple people have been given credit for the above quote: Victor Hugo, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and Nelson Mandela. I also read a variation that was credited to Theodore Roosevelt. The origin of the quote is not my concern for this post, but how I manage my fear is and I am reminded of a familiar scripture.

“God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

— 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV

Now that I’ve explored a few possibilities of what “My fear is my only courage” means, I’ve concluded what it means to me. Since I know I obtain a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind, there is no need for me to give in to fear. And I can literally—and figuratively—stand or move forward. Feelings of fear are now a motivator for me to push through. And for the fearless child who stood up to bullies twice her size—she’s still with me. I just allowed her to become dormant, but she is awake now and ready to fight that unwelcomed spirit of fear.

I Can Do All Things Through Christ, but What is My Assignment?

In the last MHIL blog post, I expressed what I learned about my life being in the hands of the Lord. But another part of the lesson came to my mind last week.

I hadn’t been viewing another familiar scripture fully. Once again, I am not saying I’ve grasped all of its meaning; but, I see another part of it now.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

— Philippians 4:13 KJV

It is a fact that we can do all things through Christ. We can because in Him we live more and have our being. Bottom line, we can’t do anything without Him. I shared on a few occasions how I struggled with my self-confidence as it relates to my abilities and I drew strength from the above scripture. But there were times that I had a hard time understanding why the outcome felt like failure and not success. It was at that moment that I realized I needed to alter how I view success, which brings me to the topic of this post.

Philippians 4:13 reminds us that we can do all things, but I was focused on one thing in particular, which was my definition of success. But Isaiah 55:8 tells us that our thoughts and ways are not like the Lord’s. So, what was I assigned to do?

The thing we are enabled to do through Christ at a particular time in a certain situation may vary. My assignment may have been to suffer, through and by the power of God. My assignment may have been to wait and trust God, through and by the power of Christ. My assignment may have been to learn more about God, through and by the power of Christ. What we are assigned to do and obtain may not be what we think it is. So, what’s the plan?

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. ”

— Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV