Are Regrets Good or Bad?

By definition, the word regret is a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. In spite of this, there is a difference of opinion when it comes to having them. I’ve heard some people describe regrets as a form of immaturity, and I totally disagree.

A couple of days ago I read a post on social media that raised a question I found interesting: “Have you ever regretted a decision you made that haunts you even today?” Unfortunately, my answer is yes. In all honesty, there are several decisions I made that I regret. There are moments that stand out in my mind where I wish I had been more vocal about my thoughts and feelings instead of going along with what was happening. In retrospect, those particular regrets pale in comparison to the one that haunts me the most.

On Thursday, July 7, 2011, I went into premature labor and deliver my son, Xavier William. Moments before he entered the world, my doctor told my then-husband and me that our son was going to die. The doctor asked if we wanted to hold him once he was born and he explained that the staff would honor the decision we made at that moment. In other words, I couldn’t change my mind later. I said no, and it is one of the biggest regrets I have, which haunts me to this day.

I don’t consider having regrets as an act of immaturity—I see it as the complete opposite. When we experience feelings of regret, we are recognizing we could have done things differently, which aligns with accountability. Additionally, having regrets can potentially enable us to make better decisions in the future. The feelings of disappointment, sadness, or repentance can remind us of what we don’t want to experience again, which is something I encountered two years after Xavier died.

On Sunday, January 13, 2013, I went into premature labor again and delivered my second son, Elijah Thomas. History repeated itself and my doctor told my then-husband and me our son was going to die, but when I was asked if I wanted to hold him, I said yes with no hesitation. I recalled the feelings of emptiness and remorse that overwhelmed me when I chose not to hold Xavier—I didn’t want to feel that again. I believe regretting the decision I made in 2011 made me more conscious of my actions and their consequences.

We are all entitled to our opinions, and our views are typically based on our biases, experiences, and perspectives. I choose to embrace my regrets and use them to make more calculated and intelligent choices in the future. I respect those who believe regrets are immature, but I still humbly disagree.

MHIL Gratitude Journal: Entry No. 7 "Praying for My Enemies Benefits Me Too"

“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” - Matthew 5:44 KJV

When I woke up Thursday morning, I felt disheartened, and it didn’t take a long time for me to identify the problem. The day before, I had an encounter with a coworker—who isn’t the easiest person to work with—and it wasn’t pleasant at all. Please don’t misunderstand me, I know everyone who has come in contact with me doesn’t consider me to be wonderful or even tolerable, but I try to be pleasant with everyone I come across—for the most part anyway. After I recognized what was causing my downcast spirit, I decided to pray about it.

As I began to pray, I found myself asking for things that would only benefit me. I was praying for what I thought would make me feel better. Then the thought “pray for her” came to my mind. So, I changed the entire tone of my prayer. I took the focus off of me and I began to pray for her. I prayed for her family and their well-being.

When I got to work, I sent an email in response to her inquiries. About an hour later, she responded by stating she had completed what I needed.

I wholeheartedly believe my obedience to God’s voice caused a difference in the interaction I had with my coworker.

“When a man’s ways please the LORD, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him.” - Proverbs 16:7 KJV

I learned an invaluable lesson. It behooves me to take the time to pray for those who mistreat me and those I perceive to be my enemies. Not necessarily a prayer that consists of my desires for them to be kinder toward me, but a request that they are strengthened, and more importantly, come to the knowledge of Christ in the pardoning of their sins.

This is “My heels in life'“—follow me as I follow Christ…

MHIL Gratitude Journal: Entry No. 6; "I'm Giving My Family Their Flowers While They Yet Live"

When I started this journal, I considered my appreciation or feelings of gratitude for my family to be an understood existence. But a conversation I overheard in the restroom at work on Wednesday changed my perspective. By no means was I ear-hustling, I just happened to be in that space at that moment—but the more I think about it—it was for a reason. But before I get into what I heard, I need to share my feelings and act of repentance.

When I entered the restroom—which isn’t that big—there were two women standing by the sinks talking. I was annoyed by their presence and inconsiderate behavior toward others. I mean, they could have their conversation in the hallway. We need to practice social distancing, and I need to wash my hands so I can use the facilities! I was still thinking about it as I was “handling my business.”

They were still talking while I was washing my hands for the second time. At this point in their conversation, I only heard bits and pieces. From what I could gather, they both have children under the age of three. But I distinctly heard one of them say, “I put my mom in hospice.” Then I heard the other woman say, “I’m sorry, I understand. My mother passed away while I was pregnant.” And it was at that moment that I realized I needed to express gratitude for my family.

I am forty-four and I still have both of my parents and my brother—a lot of people can’t say that. The three of them are lucid with reasonable health and strength. But in addition to that, they are good people and we have healthy relationships—everyone can’t say that about their family either.

My mother has always been my biggest cheerleader. She is always available to encourage me with her words or embrace. She is my confidant and my rock. During the most difficult time in my life, she put my needs before hers and was literally by my side, comforting me and praying for me. Her presence and encouragement enabled me to regain strength and confidence to move forward.

Based on what I’ve been told, I believe my father has been the apple of my eye from the moment I entered the world. When I was a kid, I thought he was the strongest man in the world. To me, he is the ideal man and the image of stability. He is a man of few words, so when he speaks, you know it is important. When I was struggling in my marriage, my father spoke four words to me. He said, “you can come home,” which was exactly what I needed to hear.

My brother is my superhero. He always comes to my rescue, without hesitation or question. I remember his response to me every time I called when my first car broke down, which happened A LOT, he simply asked, “Where are you?” And I distinctly remember my then-husband calling my brother when I was in the hospital due to complications with my pregnancy with Xavier. After my ex-husband told my brother what was happening, the only thing my brother said was “I’m on my way.”

I am so grateful for my family. They love and support me unconditionally and I appreciate it. I am thankful for every moment I’ve spent with them and I intend to treasure each moment to come.

And although I eventually felt compassion for the women I overheard in the restroom, I am glad I heard their stories. I was reminded of the need to appreciate my loved ones. So, I will give them their flowers every chance I get while they yet live.

MHIL Gratitude Journal: Entry No. 5; Friendship & Love

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 KJV

Today, I am grateful for friendship. The inspiration for this week’s journal entry came from two sources. The first was my acknowledgment of the friends I have and my appreciation for the concern and encouragement they show me. I realize I am blessed to have people in my life who I can talk to about everything. The second source is Easter. Those of us who believe in the death, burial, and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ observe this ultimate demonstration of friendship and love every day; but, this Sunday, His act of obedience will be highlighted around the world.

As John 15:13 states, there is no greater love than a man who would lay down his life for a friend. For me, one of the ways someone can express friendship is by being a source of encouragement and love.

About two years ago, one of my friends gave me a gift that encompasses encouragement and the love God has for us. She gave me a devotional entitled, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. Each day, I receive a message that is befitting to whatever I am experiencing. It was given to me at a time when I needed it. I felt broken and defeated, but the words of comfort and reassurance in this book reminded me that God is with me and He won’t put more on me than I can bear. I appreciate my friend for recognizing my need and giving me a matchless solution—the Word of God Himself.

I am eternally grateful for God’s unconditional love for me and true friendship and as a gesture of my gratitude, I am going to bless someone with a copy of Sarah Young’s devotional.

If you’re interested in a chance to receive a copy of Jesus Calling, share what you are grateful for with me. Please send an email to towandawrites@gmail.com stating what you’re grateful for and why.

Submissions will be accepted until 11:59 pm Saturday, 24 April 2021. The selected entry will be shared with our readers, and the author will receive a copy of the devotional.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

MHIL Gratitude Journal: Entry No. 4; Requited Encouragement

“Be an encourager. The world has enough critics already.” - Dave Willis

My decision to become a blogger came with a desire to encourage and inspire others to love themselves more. I honestly believe I have a passion for encouraging because I realize how impactful it can be, and I also know how detrimental the opposite can be. In a previous relationship, I was subjected to a lot of ridicule. And unfortunately, the constant belittlement chipped away at my self-confidence, and I started believing it. But thanks be unto to God, I recognized my worth before I fell completely into the abyss of untruth that was presented to me. I was fortunate that I was able to figure out which was Shinola.

I am a huge advocate for self-acceptance and focusing on how we see ourselves over how others view us. But truth be told, there are some instances where we will encounter people who will offer kind words and encouragement, which is what I want to highlight in this journal entry.

Over the years, I’ve been told I am “diplomatic” and I have a “calming presence.” Recently, a co-worker shared something with me that I was not expecting. He walked by my office, then he stepped back in the doorway and looked at me. When I saw him pop up again I assumed he needed something from me, but he gave me something instead. He said, “you have a calming presence. A lot of times I get upset and stressed here, but seeing you calms me down.” Although I’ve been told I’m “calming,” hearing it again recently was encouraging and inspiring. It made me feel good because this isn’t something I do deliberately—it is who I am. And being told my natural and unapologetic behavior helps him, encouraged me immensely.

I am grateful to him for sharing his feelings with me. I also appreciate this validating experience. Contrary to what I was told in that previous relationship, being who I am is a good thing.